


Fix You

by AdriAngel14 (chloelancaster14)



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), American Idol RPF, CW Network RPF, Kris Allen (Musician)
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Multi, Original Character - Freeform, Rape, Recovery, Self Harm, Suicide, mentions of self harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-04
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-04-07 15:21:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4268301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chloelancaster14/pseuds/AdriAngel14
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A year ago, Emmalee Hensen's life spiraled out of control. She fell into the arms of a couple of college kids working at a local diner. When Kris brought Adam back home to meet his family, he never expected to see Emmalee in this shape. Emmalee honestly, never expected to see him again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> This is a re-upload of an old fic I had up on this site a few years ago. I'm in the process of re-writing it and I'm going to try to upload a new chapter every Saturday. It's tagged both rape and underage for past events that play a heavy part in the story. Both parties were underaged, just for clarification.

** One **

June 2014

 

I sang along with the Adam Lambert song blasting from the iHome speakers in my kitchen as I washed the dirty dishes. My parents had gone to the airport to pick up my older sister and made me stay home because they wanted everything clean for her. I’d told them that she lived here for eighteen years; she’d seen the house dirty, but they wouldn’t budge, so I was stuck at home. Adam’s album always made me happy and I was glad for the distraction.

 

I pushed the depressing thoughts from my mind and continued singing a little louder, until the doorbell broke my thoughts. Drying my hands, I headed to the front door. We weren’t expecting any visitors that I knew of, but I was hoping that my Mayday Parade CDs from Amazon would be delivered today.

 

Glancing through the frosted window, I froze at the familiar face that stared back at me. Unlocking the door, I swung it open, smiling happily at the man standing on my porch.

 

“Kris!”

 

“Hey Emmalee,” Kris Allen grinned back at me, stepping forward to squeeze me in a hug and ruffle my hair. I smacked his hand away, laughing before hugging him again. “I hope you didn’t mind that I stopped by.”

 

“When do I ever mind seeing you?” I teased, tugging him into the house. Kris’s parents and my parents had been friends for years and they actually lived a few streets over from us. My sister and Kris had dated in high school, but that was a fact I often tried to forget.

 

“Kris, I can’t get the trunk up.” A deeper irritated voice carried from around the corner and I stopped short at the sound. Kris laughed, turning to toss a set of keys at Adam Lambert, who was standing on the steps of my porch. I just stared for a moment. Adam Lambert was standing on my porch and I couldn’t even form a full sentence. “Hi,”

 

I blinked for a moment, before forcing a sound out of my mouth.

 

“Um, hi,” I glanced at Kris. “Manners?”

 

“Adam, this is Emmalee, one of my old neighbors. Em, this is Adam, who can’t open a car trunk.” He teased. “Don’t worry about it.”

 

“C’mon on in. I’m sure that you’re thirsty.” I offered, opening the door a little wider so they could come in. Kris and Adam followed me and I blushed bright red as Adam recognized his own album playing loud in the kitchen. I turned it down a little, tilting my head towards the kitchen table. “You can sit. We have sweet tea, coffee, water,” I started.

 

“Sweet tea,” Kris answered, grinning. “You make the best- but don’t tell my mama I said that.”

 

Adam snickered and Kris rolled his eyes. “I guess I’ll have sweet tea too. Kris is a pretty good judge of it.”

 

“Sure.” I smiled at the both of them, before walking over to the cabinet, pulling out two glasses. “How’s everything been, Kris?”

 

“Really good,” He replied, sounding happy, but his voice became serious. “Mom told me you had some trouble. The real question is how are _you_?”

 

“Better,” I admitted truthfully, forcing myself not to cross my arms when Kris’s eyes scanned the scars on my wrists covered by several bracelets, or tell the complete truth. “I’m a lot better.”

 

“That’s really good.” He grinned, his smile still making my heart flutter. “Adam and I will be in town for a while. You should hang with us a few days.”

 

“If that’s okay with Adam,” I hesitated, but Adam nodded.

 

“Sure. It’ll be fun.” He agreed.

 

“Ella is on her way home, by the way.” I added, glancing at Kris.

 

He winced, remembering the force of nature that my sister is. “Adam, Ella is Emmalee’s sister. She’s a bit much to handle.”

 

“She’s a force to be reckoned with, Adam, and Kris, you have no say, you dated her.” I mentioned rolling my eyes. Adam chuckled at Kris’s face.

 

I could hear the clicking of the locks of the garage door from the kitchen.

 

“Kris?!” I heard Ella’s voice from down the hallway and I groaned. Kris squeezed my shoulder before turning to face the hallway. “Kris, I saw your car in the driveway.”

 

I rolled my eyes again, ignoring Adam’s questioning look. Ella ran my house, even though she’d graduated two years ago. We were eight years apart and I felt like my parents had been comparing us since I started walking six weeks after she did. I’d gotten B’s when Ella got A’s. I didn’t have a core group of friends to hang out with, but she did. I didn’t want to participate in school events, and Ella was Homecoming _and_ Winterfest Queen. Ella was president of her senior class, and I was secretary of the honors society. Nothing I did was enough for them. Ella graduated top of her class and was one of the first accepted to nursing school. I knew something was wrong with that, but when I visited her, I saw the ID of the nursing coordinator hanging on her bedpost.

 

That’s when I figured out her motive, but of course, my parents shot me down. Ella had been sleeping with him, for months before her application was due she told me later, laughing. She had to insure her place.

 

“Emmalee,” Her distain was obvious, and she snagged Kris into a hug tightly. “Hey Kris, how are you? How long are you staying? Who is this?”

 

“Adam.” I stated, my tone obviously annoyed. “Why are _you_ here?”

 

“I live here, Emmalee,” Her tone of voice sharpened and I could see the shock on Adam’s face.

 

“No you live in Charleston. You should stay there.” I reminded her with a sigh.

 

“Have you talked to Nathan lately, sis?”

 

“Fuck you.” I spat, the words venomous as I ignored the surprised looks that Adam and Kris gave me. “You don’t know shit, Ella.”

 

“Obviously, I know enough. Do Mama and Dad know the truth about him?”

 

“There’s nothing for them to know.” I corrected, trying and failing to keep my voice calm, before just letting it go. “Fuck, just say what you want to say, Ella. I don’t give a fuck anymore.”

 

She frowned at my sudden change in tone, and I just rolled my eyes, leaving the kitchen and heading to the office, where my parents kept my piano. It was my hiding place; it always had been. I hadn’t forgotten that I’d left Adam and Kris in the kitchen. I just didn’t want to break down in front of them. Forcing myself to take a breath, I let my fingers fall onto the keys, remembering the tune that I had started picking out this morning before everyone had woken up. How Ella knew everything despite the fact she lived hundreds of miles away, I didn’t know.

 

“That’s my song.”

 

Adam’s voice startled my fingers right off the keys, and I turned to look at him. Up close, he was just as gorgeous as his album covers showed and I couldn’t stop the automatic pick up of speed in my heartbeat as I heard him speak in the voice I’d only heard sing.

 

“I have a question,” Adam started, sinking onto the piano bench with me, despite the lack of personal space between us. “Feel absolutely free to tell me to fuck off, Emmalee. Was Nathan your Dom?”

 

I had yet to suppress the absolute bolt of fear that shot through me at the sound of his name, but more so was the surprise that Adam had asked. That couldn’t have been the first thing he thought. It was never the first thing anyone thought.

 

“You know about-“ I broke off, the words sticking in my throat. _What if he tells Kris? He’d never look at me the same way again._ ”How did you even guess that?”

 

“I was in for a little while too,” Adam promised. “I won’t say anything to anyone, I promise you that. I just wanted to ask away from everybody else, because you reacted badly. You and Nathan? You didn’t see eye to eye?”

 

I sighed at the naïve phrase he used, almost rolling my eyes. ‘Eye to eye’ didn’t even close to cover the issues that I had with Nathan. The crimes he had committed.

 

August 2013

 

_“I don’t want this.” I told Nathan, shying away from the cuffs. “I know you like the whip, but I don’t. It leaves marks I don’t want to- and can’t- explain at school next week. Let’s not do this today.”_

_I never saw his hand, just felt the jarring impact and the burst of pain in the side of my mouth, from my cheek being knocked into my teeth. The pain radiated through my mouth, and I realized I’d bitten my tongue when he hit me._

_“This isn’t about what you fucking want, Emmalee. You put_ me _in charge, and that means you don’t have a say anymore.” His voice was cold and threatening and the grip he had on my arm was too tight. “Argue with me again, those pictures will get out.”_

_My blood ran ice cold and I snapped my mouth shut, my arms going limp in his grip._

“I didn’t mean to bring up any bad memories.” Adam touched my arm, startling me out of my thoughts and I sighed softly. Ella’s voice carried into the room and I couldn’t stop my eye roll. “She didn’t help much, did she?”

 

“No,” I murmured. “She didn’t help at all, always asking why I was sitting funny, why I was walking weird.”

 

That statement made Adam frown. “Did he leave permanent marks Emmalee?”

 

I sucked in a surprised breath at the question, and Adam cursed a blue streak. I raised an eyebrow and he flushed.

 

“Sorry, it just-“ He stopped, taking a calming breath before continuing. “I hate that Doms can get away with this shit still.”

 

I just shrugged, because if I’d opened my mouth, I would cry.

 

“Oh Emmalee.” Adam rested a sparkling hand on my knee, his ring glistening in the light. “You never told anyone, did you?”

 

“Just my best friend Christian.” I replied softly.

 

“You love him.” He stated quietly.

 

“He’s taken, so it doesn’t matter.” I responded with a shrug, and I heard Ella calling my name. Rolling my eyes, I stood, shifting Adam’s hand off my knee. “Sorry,”

 

I didn’t give Adam a chance to answer before heading back into the kitchen. My parents looked confused as I walked in and Kris looked downright worried. I frowned, glancing at Ella.

 

“Is something wrong?” I questioned slowly.

 

“Is what Ella is saying true? Did you go to _sex clubs_ with that boy?” My mother asked, the words ‘sex club’ seeming to twist her mouth like poison. I could feel my heart drop into my stomach.

 

“I’m not talking about this to you.” I didn’t say anything else, grabbing my keys from the hook by the garage door. I’d never been so grateful that my house had a circle drive. My mom called after me and I hated leaving Adam and Kris there, but I couldn’t handle this discussion. Not now. I had promised Chris that I would be at the diner before the night was over, so I could just go earlier.

 

Starting the car, I sighed in relief as my mixed CD starting playing. Fall Out Boy was blasting out of my speakers, and I felt like I was breathing easier already. I pulled out my driveway, starting towards the diner, my windows down and my music as loud as it could go. Patrick’s voice was slowly, but surely calming my thoughts.

 

I pulled into the parking lot empty and hopped out of my car, feeling marginally better. The diner hadn't opened yet- they only served lunch and dinner during the week. I could see Chad and Jared taunting each from the door and I smiled as I walked in and the little bell rang. Chad was Sophia’s boyfriend and Jared was Chad’s best friend. Jared always made me smile.

 

"Emmalee!" All six foot four of Jared was hugging me tightly before I could say a word. He pulled back to look at my face, frowning. "What happened?"

 

"Ella," I said with a sigh and Jared gave me a knowing glance as we headed to the booth where I always sat.

 

"Hey Chris, Em's here," Jared called into the kitchen, as he mixed me a half tea, half lemonade before sliding into the booth across from me. Chad popped in the seat next to me.

 

"Do we need to kill her?" He asked seriously.

              

"It's debatable," I decided, taking a sip of my drink and grinning as Christian set a blueberry muffin in front of me. "Thank you, Christian."

 

"I know," He responded, sitting next to Jared on the other side of the booth. "What happened?"

 

"So Kris came to visit and brought Adam with him, and apparently Ella has an issue with me speaking to anyone attractive." I started, ignoring the rolling eyes. "Ella told my parents about Nathan."

 

Christian's eyebrows rose and he sucked in a breath. He was the only one I'd told the complete truth about Nathan, but there were a few things I hadn't even told him.

 

"Momma's back," Sophia called, sticking her head through the back door. "Jared, Chad, come help us. You have long arms."

 

Christian stood waiting on them to grumble their way out of the seats and head outside. Sliding next to me, he touched my hand.

 

"I didn't know Ella knew."

 

"She didn't." I sighed, tears pricking my eyes. "Someone told her. I never told anyone but you the truth. She lives in fucking Charleston."

 

"C'mere," Christian decided. "You need a cuddle."

 

I laughed softly, sliding closer to him so he could wrap his arms around me.

 

"If I wasn't with Steve," Christian started, his low, rough voice vibrating through my cheek, "I'd be with you. You deserve someone who cares Emmalee."

 

I looked up at Christian in slight surprise. I knew he was bisexual, he’d told me a few months after we first met. He didn’t elaborate though, just dropped a kiss on my forehead and pulled me closer again.

 

"Christian?"

 

"He changed you, Em. Nathan broke you and I wanted to kill him for that. Hell, I still want to kill him." Christian sighed, his arm tightening around me. "You're still not the same and for your parents to have never noticed. They lied at the hospital and I knew that."

 

"Christian-" You're right, I wanted to say. He was exactly right, but I couldn't admit it yet.

 

"It's okay, darling. It takes time." He promised, kissing my forehead. I settled against him, closing my eyes and letting him rest his chin on my head.

 

The bell on the door rang and I looked up to see Kris and Adam walking into the diner. Christian sighed, raising his eyebrows at me, silently asking me if he should go.

 

"I'll be okay." I promised softly, kissing his cheek gently and sliding away from him. Christian slid out of the booth, glancing at me once more before heading back to the kitchen.

 

"Em," Kris slide into the seat next to me. His eyes were worried, and he squeezed me tightly. “I calmed your parents down, but they’re still asking a lot of questions.”

 

“Look, Nathan wanted sex; I didn’t. He took it anyway.” I told him, bluntly. “Christian was there when I needed him.” I couldn’t tell them the truth about that yet.

 

Adam looked back over at Christian, doing an obvious look over and I rolled my eyes again.

 

“Adam, he’s taken.”

 

“He loves you, Emmalee.” Adam smiled, looking at him again. “He loves you a lot.”

 

“Yeah, I know.” I smiled for a moment before I remembered.  "I can’t go home now.”

 

"Can you get back in?" Adam asked and I nodded. "Let's go back and you grab some clothes and stay with us."

 

"I can't- my parents,"

 

"Didn't say shit when your sister humiliated you like that." Adam finished for me, his hand tightening around mine. "You're staying with us."

 

"Okay," I stood with them.

 

"Em?" Christian called and I slipped away from Adam to go hug him. "Are you going to be okay?"

 

"I will." I promised him. "I'll text you later, 'kay?"

 

"You better," He murmured, kissing my cheek. "Be safe."

 

“I will,” I promised him. “Tell Steve I said hi.”

 

“Of course I will.” He assured me and I waved to him as we headed out of the diner.

 


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kris and Adam learn a little more about Emmalee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter two a few hours early, because I couldn't resist. Let me know what you think, and enjoy :)

** Two **

June 2014

 

“Emmalee?” Adam’s voice was soft in the dark and I cursed silently. I hadn’t meant to wake anyone; my parents’ room back home was across the house so we never had this problem. However in a small hotel room with a king bed and a sofa, my nightmares were loud enough to wake Adam. I listened as Adam got out of bed to walk over to me on the couch. “You want to talk about it?”

 

I shook my head, biting my lip in an attempt to stop the quiet sobs that had been wracking my body from the sheer shock of the dream. Adam just sat down next to me, opening his arms and waiting until I gave in and curled up against him. He didn’t say anything else, just brushed at the tears trailing down my cheeks and ran a hand through my hair.

 

“Were you a Dom?” I asked softly. Adam just nodded and I understood why he calmed me so much. “I bet you were great at it. You seem good at it. Nothing like--“ I cut myself off before saying Nathan’s name. Just the thought of it brought back the conversation I’d had with my parents when they caught me coming back home to pack a bag.

_“We raised you better than that, Emmalee. Does abstinence mean nothing to you?” My mother demanded, and I could see her just getting angrier as I stood there in silence. “Do you not have anything to say for yourself, Emmalee? What will your future husband think when he finds out you’re sexually immoral? That and you’ve already been tainted by someone else? Do you honestly think that he’ll want you?”_

_At first I stared at her in shock as some of my worst fears were just thrown in my face. She didn’t even seem to understand the impact of her words, and I snapped._

_“Where was this speech when you caught Ella with her school director?” I demanded. “Or the other people she slept with to get to the top?”_

_“Ella was old enough to make her own choices.” My father interrupted._

_“Don’t you hear yourselves? Where the fuck did this double standard come from? Why does she get away with murder, and I’m going to hell for a situation you’ll never fucking understand?”_

_“_ Emmalee Kelsey Hensen. _Language please.” My father demanded. “And watch how you talk to your mother.”_

_“I’m leaving.” I decided. “I can’t be here, okay? I love you both, but I need some space so I don’t say anything I would regret. I’m staying with Kris in his hotel room.”_

_My mother sputtered, but my dad nodded._

_“Let us know that you’re okay.”_

_And that was it._

“You okay?” Adam’s voice broke through my reverie and I just sighed in response sinking in closer to him. He didn’t say anything else, just continued to run his fingers through my hair, and I let him.

 

Across the room, Kris mumbled something in his sleep, before rolling over and pulling the blanket tighter to him. Adam glanced at him in naked concern, before turning back to me and I felt like my world was crashing all over again.

 

“You _love_ him.” I murmured quietly, looking at Kris, whose hair was poked up like a porcupine. Adam opened and closed his mouth a few times before nodding ever so slightly. “It’s fine, Adam. I understand.”

 

“He’s not ready.” Adam looked at Kris again, and I could see how his face softened. “I love him so much Emmalee, but he’s not ready for that. So I just wait.”

 

I nodded, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath.

 

“That doesn’t make you any less important, Emmalee.” Adam told me, tilting my chin so that I would look him straight in the eye. “I don’t know what _he_ or your parents did to make you think that you weren’t important, but you are. You are important, okay?”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“You’re very welcome.” He pressed a kiss to my temple. “Now go to sleep while I’m still content to be your pillow.”

 

I snickered, and closed my eyes. Adam stroking my hair was the last thing I remembered.

“Emmalee, do you want coffee?”

 

I blinked awake, waiting until Kris’s momentarily blurred face became clear again. He was standing over the sofa, smiling and I could feel Adam’s chest’s slow motion as he slept under me.

 

“Sure,” I murmured softly. “Thanks Kris.”

 

“Let Adam sleep. I swear he thinks he can go without it.” Kris advised me. I glanced at Adam, his face much younger looking as he slept. Even as Kris spoke, I could see the dark circles under his eyes. Shifting carefully, I got up, walking over to my tote that I’d left on the chair. “I’m going downstairs, I'll be back in a few.”

 

“Okay,” I watched as he shut the door, before gathering my change of clothes and walking into the bathroom. It was still steamy from Kris’s shower earlier, and I sighed happily at the warmth.

 

Not much later, I was blowing drying my hair, my shorts and band tee shirt still sticking to my skin a little in the humid bathroom. I hadn’t wanted to crack the door, in case the noise of the blow-dryer woke up Adam. Kris was definitely right about him being tired.

 

“Hey,”

 

I barely heard Adam over the blow-dryer, but turned it off when I noticed him in the mirror.

 

“Good afternoon,” I smiled.

 

“Hey.” He still looked tired, but not exhausted, and I was glad for that. “Where’s Kris?”

 

“Getting coffee for everyone. He told me to let you rest.” I explained, unplugging the blow-dryer, and shaking my hair out a little. As it completely dried, it would curl like it usually did. Adam hummed happily at the idea of coffee, and I smiled at the sound. Everything he did was musical and it was something I wished I could do all the time.

 

“Emmalee,” Adam’s voice had suddenly turned serious and I glanced up at him in the bathroom mirror. He looked paler than normal, and I frowned, before I saw where he was looking.

 

The Pierce the Veil shirt I’d grabbed out my closet was old. I’d worn it to my first concert with them in 2008 and it was frayed and braided at the bottom, making it almost short enough to be a crop top. I hadn’t worn it since last spring when I had no worries about the scars on my back.

 

“Can I-“ Adam stopped, looking hesitantly at me, and I nodded, silently pulling my shirt back over my head. “Oh Emmalee.”

 

I could feel his fingers lightly tracing in some areas, and not in others where the whip had cut too deep. Glancing at Adam’s face in the mirror, I felt my eyes stinging at his expression. It was a mix between furious and heartbroken.

 

“I-Nathan-,”

 

“He should have _never_ done this to you, Emmalee,” Adam murmured, venom in his voice. “Why-“

 

“I told the police.” I interrupted quietly, trying not to let my voice crack, and failing by the look on Adam’s face. “They-Nathan had already talked to them. It’s Conway.”

 

“So they just disregarded you?!” Adam demanded.

 

“His father is the police chief, Adam. When it doesn’t benefit Nathan, it doesn’t happen.” I murmured. Adam sighed, moving forward to wrap his arms around me. “I told them I wanted him to stop and he continued. I told them he raped me and they threw our old texts back in my face. ‘You said you wanted him Emmalee. You told him to hurt you Emmalee. You’re responsible for this Emmalee.’ They didn’t even file a goddamn report.”

 

“Emmalee,” Adam started, pulling back, and then he noticed the tears in my eyes in the mirror. “Honey, please don’t cry.”

 

“I’m so scared.” I admitted, surprised how open I was being with him, but something about Adam was welcoming. “I’m scared because I loved what I had with Nathan, and I’m scared I can’t even have a normal relationship anymore.”

 

“Who said that?” Adam questioned.

 

“I said that. I’ve had flashbacks when people have just accidentally touched me, Adam,” I turned to him and pressed my forehead to his shoulder.

 

“You’ll get through it.” He promised me. “It's going to be rough and hard wor, but you can do it. You just need to replace some terrible memories with some great ones."

 

“It can’t be that simple.” I sighed.

 

“It can, honey,” Adam insisted, “There will be better times and definitely better boys- well men.”

 

I laughed softly. “Thank you.”

 

“Hey,” Kris called out. “Coffee for everyone, soy for you Em.”

 

“Thanks Kris,” I responded, moving out of Adam’s arms and pulling my shirt back over my head. I headed out of the bathroom, with him close on my heels. When I reached out to grab my coffee, I realized that my bracelets were in the bathroom, and Kris’s expression had turned heartbroken at the sight of my wrists. “Kris, don’t,”

 

It didn’t matter that I’d said anything; Kris was pulling my wrist back towards him and sitting my coffee down. He traced the thick white scar running up my wrist, and then the dozens of smaller scars running horizontally. Adam leaned over, looking confused for a second, before realizing exactly what they meant, and then sighing.

 

“Emmalee,” Kris started, but I snatched my wrist from his grip.

 

“I’m _not_ talking about this.” I stated harshly. “Don’t ask me again. I don't want your pity.”

 

Kris looked taken aback, and I felt a little bad, but not enough to correct myself. I turned and walked back into the bathroom, stopping to grab a different shirt from my bag. I closed the bath door and took a deep breath, carefully stacking the bracelets back on my wrists before switching t-shirts. Kris and Adam were whispering when I walked back out and I just ignored them, reaching for my coffee again.

 

“I’m sorry,” Kris murmured. “It’s none of my business and if or when you’re ready, you can tell us.”

 

“Thank you.” I nodded, but honestly, I had no intention of discussing that part of my life with them.

 

“Did you have any plans for today?” Adam wondered, changing the subject.

 

“Well at some point this summer, I need to go look at the dorms and campus of U of A.” I decided. “I’m already signed up and everything, but I need a last look at what’s there so I can buy the last of my stuff.”

 

“Okay,” Kris grinned. “We should go. It’s just eight-thirty and it only takes an hour to get there. We can go to the zoo or something else while we’re there.”

 

Adam raised an eyebrow at Kris when he said zoo, but Kris just poked his lower lip out.

 

“Please,” Kris pouted, and I knew that we’d be going to Little Rock today. It didn’t seem like Adam was one to say no to Kris.

 

“Fine, fine, okay.” Adam sighed. Kris cheered quietly, doing an adorable little victory dance.

 

“I’m going to call the school, and tell them to expect me, so we should probably go there first.” I suggested.

 

“That’s good.” Kris nodded. “It’s cooler today, so it should be nice out.”

 

“Okay.” Adam relented. “Fine, but we get stopped for autographs, it’s your fault.”

 

“I’ll take that responsibility.” Kris shrugged.

 

I just laughed at the two of them, feeling happier than I had in a long time. Today was going to be an amazing day.


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emmalee reveals a secret and comes to a couple of realizations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Sorry I was a little late with this chapter, I've been packing to go out of town. I'm going to my grandmother's this week and she doesn't own a computer, let alone have wifi, so no new chapter next week. I'll be back on August 1 with chapter four. I promise. Enjoy this chapter and let me know what you think!

** Three **

June 2014

 

“Squidgy, squidgy, la la la la,” I sang bouncing the stuffed jellyfish in my lap. It wasn’t the same color as the one Austin Carlile had found a few years ago, but I still named it the same name. Kris just rolled his eyes at me, already sick of my singing. He tapped his fingers on the wheel, humming quietly along with the radio as we continued back to Conway. Adam was sleeping in the back, curled against the door.

 

The zoo had been hot, but amazing. Adam had been disinterested since it was so hot out, but I enjoyed seeing the zoo for the first time in a few years. Many of the animals had been hiding in the shade, but I’d gotten to see the tigers and the penguins. We’d also spent a ridiculous amount of time (according to Kris) at the fish exhibit. I loved sea life, especially jellyfish and sea horses. Kris thought they were boring.

 

Seeing the campus where I would soon be living was amazing. It was far enough from home, but not so far that I couldn’t visit the diner and Christian whenever I wanted. I was excited, and extremely grateful that I’d gotten enough scholarship and financial aid money that I didn’t have to ask my parents for a penny.

 

It was one of the most freeing moments of my life. When I closed my eyes, I could imagine myself here already, going to class, laughing with the friends I would hopefully make, blowing them off as they tease me about Christian.

 

Glancing out the window, I watched as Conway started to come into view. Adam stirred behind me, smoothing his hair down, and grumbling about the uncomfortable position he’d dozed off in. I smiled, as I watched him in the rearview mirror and he scowled at me when he noticed.

  
“Do y’all want to eat at the diner?” Kris questioned.

 

“Sure,” I shrugged and Adam made a noncommittal noise. “That’s a yes.”

 

Kris nodded, turning off onto the road that led to the dinner. I smiled as I noticed that Christian’s car was around back. I couldn’t wait to tell him about the school. If Kris noticed my slight preoccupation, he didn’t say anything.

 

“I wanna sleep,” Adam whined.

 

“Do you want to eat or not?” I rolled my eyes.

 

“Shut up, Emmalee.” Adam grumbled, sitting up in the back seat. I laughed quietly, playing with the bracelets on my wrists.

 

Kris pulled into the diner parking lot and we got out, joining the flow of people coming to eat early dinner. Jared grinned as I walked in the door, and waved from the kitchen. I waved back, feeling completely at ease in a place that had become my second home.

 

“Your normal booth is open, Em,” Steve called from the register, where he was standing. “Go ahead and sit, I’ll send Sophia over in a minute.”

 

“Thanks Steve!” I called back, pretending not to notice how Christian watched our interaction from the kitchen. Steve and I hadn’t had the best relationship in the beginning. He was dating Christian already when we became friends and Christian had come into my life in a very hard time. He spent almost the entirety of my few months of recovery by my side, despite Steve’s protests.

 

I didn’t really like Steve that much, but I tolerated him for Christian.

 

Kris, Adam, and I slid into the booth I always sat in, and I shot Christian a smile. He smiled back, before going back into the kitchen. If Kris and Adam noticed anything, they stayed quiet, and I was grateful for that.

 

“So are you decided on Arkansas, Em?” Kris asked.

 

“Yep,” I nodded. “Get my biology degree from there, go do pharmacy school at UAMS. I want to work for the CDC or St. Jude.”

 

“Wow,” Adam grinned. “You’ve planned.”

 

“I love my home, but I want to get the hell out of here.” I shrugged. “I’ve always wanted to get the hell out here. So whatever I could do to get there was my plan.”

 

Kris nodded as I spoke, definitely feeling the same way, and I smiled at him.

 

“No, move in day is August _twenty-fourth_ , Kayla. Keep up.”

 

The smile dropped off my face and I thanked God my booth was next to the bathroom, my bathroom. Kris and Adam both looked up at me in alarm, but I was already slipping out of my seat and moving to the bathroom as swiftly as possible. I could feel the panic attack coming.

 

Locking the door, I slipped into the stall, my stall. My heart was racing. I hadn’t seen Nathan since graduation and he never came here as far as I knew. I couldn’t breathe, and I rubbed the scars on my wrist. Closing my eyes, I tried to forget, but I couldn’t. His voice had seeped into my brain.

 

The room was starting to spin when I hear the door open and Christian’s voice at the stall door.

 

“Em, darling, you have to open the door. Let me help you.”

 

I closed my eyes leaning against the stall wall, hoping that the smothering terrified feeling would go away. It didn’t.

 

“Emmalee, I can’t get in; you have to let me in,” Christian sounded worried, but I couldn’t get up to unlock the door. My world was spinning; everything was hurting.

 

“Em, I’m coming over the stall, okay?”

 

I managed to slide back towards the door as Christian swung over the top of the stall, ducking his head, before dropping down. He sat next to me on the floor and I started crying almost on contact as he hugged me.

 

“Shh, darling, it’s okay.”

 

“They never come here.” I whispered brokenly. Christian smoothed my hair, letting me slid into his lap. “I’ve never seen them here. Why the fuck did they come here?”

 

“Shhhh, Em, baby,” Christian murmured. “Breathe with me honey. You have to breathe.”

 

I closed my eyes, letting my head rest on Christian’s chest. The sobs were still there, but the strong steady beat of Christian’s heart was louder. I focused on that, like he’d taught me the first time I had a panic attack. Christian hummed “More Than Miles” by Brantley Gilbert in my ear and I felt the tightness in my chest start to loosen.

 

Once I could finally breathe again, I took slow breaths to calm my racing heart. Christian didn’t say anything; he just held me, smoothing my hair with his free hand. As my heart rate slowed, I realized how I’d reacted, and how I’d left Adam and Kris and I felt my face heat up.

 

“You don’t have anything to be ashamed of, Em,” Christian murmured. “I told them I was coming to check on you.”

 

“I just ran off.” I whispered. “I told myself I was going to stop running.”

 

“You haven’t seen him in weeks. You’re going to freak out.” Christian promised me. “And it’s natural. It doesn’t matter anyway. Jared was kicking them out when I came in here.”

 

“What?” I glanced up at him.

 

“Jared was kicking them out.” Christian repeated to me like it was nothing.

 

“But-“

 

“But nothing, they broke the rules,” Christian shrugged. “We have a no profanity policy posted right at the front door.”

 

I snickered and before I knew it, we were both giggling. Christian knew that policy was complete bullshit, but he liked to use it whenever they had aggravating or disrupting customers in the dinner. I appreciated them using it this time.

 

“C’mon, I’ll walk you back out to Adam and Kris, okay?” Christian stood, reaching out a hand to pull me up also. I sighed quietly as I stood, my legs aching a little bit from sitting on the hard tile bathroom floor. Christian caught me off-guard and hugged me then, resting his chin on the top of my head. “You’re strong, Emmalee, a lot stronger than you think.”

 

“Thank you,” I mumbled into his shirt, before pulling away from him, and turning to the mirror. My face was a little red, but it was so hot outside, I hadn’t put on much makeup. Sighing I grabbed Christian’s hand, leading him out of the bathroom. “I’ll text you later, okay?”

 

“Okay.” He kissed my forehead. “Talk to you later.”

 

I continued back into the diner, letting out a breath I didn’t even know I was holding at the sight of the empty booth where Kayla and Nathan had been sitting just a few moments before. Kris and Adam were sitting in our booth, but neither of them had ordered food yet. I slid back into the booth and Kris glanced at me a little worried still.

 

“Did you want to eat somewhere else?” He questioned. “We could just pick something up going to the hotel?”

 

“That would be great.” I nodded. We got up to leave and I waved to Steve and Jared, who were in the front, as we left. After stopping to pick up food and listening to Adam complain about healthiness, we went back to the hotel. Kris flopped on the bed after sitting the food down, sighing loudly. I laid on the couch and Adam sat on the floor, leaning back on my side.

 

“Are you tired?” Adam rolled his eyes at Kris’s theatrics.

 

“You took a nap.” Kris said with a tired groan. “I drove the entire way.”

 

“You took a nap.” Adam mimicked, and I snickered. They acted like two year olds sometimes and it was amusing to me.

 

“Have you texted your parents to let them know everything’s okay?” Kris asked me. It was my turn to roll my eyes this time, but Kris couldn’t see me so I spoke.

 

“They aren’t worried about me, Kris. They would’ve called or something.”

 

“Em, you don’t know that.” Kris said sadly. “I’m sure they’ve just had a lot to deal with right now,”

 

“Yeah, like my sister being a fucking bitch.” I murmured bitterly. “Kris, my parents don’t need time, they need to get their life together. They need to see that they have two daughters not one.”

 

“Emmalee-“

 

“Kris, I really don’t want to talk about this.” I sighed, throwing my arm over my face as I lay on the couch. “You know this has been going on since you dated her, years ago.”

 

“Emmalee..”

 

“They didn’t want me, okay.” I snapped; the words flying out of my mouth before I really thought about it. A mix of tiredness and dealing with the earlier panic attack had loosened my tongue. I’d never told Christian about this either, the secret that my sister had held over my head for years. “They didn’t want me. They were going to give me away.”

 

“Emmalee,” Kris’s voice sounded broken then, and Adam reached up to squeeze my hand, lacing our fingers together.

 

“Ella found the paperwork in my parents’ safe when I was sixteen.” My words were halting as tears started to fall. “She was happy, Kris. She was elated to tell me that I was supposed to be adopted. She taunted me for weeks.”

 

“And you ran to Nathan?” Adam murmured, quietly so Kris couldn’t hear. I nodded. He squeezed my hand again. “Honey, I’m so sorry.”

 

I just nodded, letting my eyes fall closed. Adam started humming quietly, and that was the last thing I remembered.

 

I woke to Kris and Adam murmuring quietly in the bedroom of the hotel room. My headache had eased and my eyes just felt dry, the only sign that I had been crying.

 

My phone started to buzz, and I looked over at it, smiling at the familiar emoticons of the music notes and guitar that signaled a text from Christian.

_You okay, darling?_

 

I sighed quietly. It was time for me to tell Christian everything. Then I would decide where to go from there. I knew he would offer me a place to stay, even though Steve would be furious.

 

 

_I’m okay, but I need to talk to you_

 

I locked my phone and closed my eyes, waiting. Adam and Kris were still whispering and it was dark already. My food was cold for sure, but I wasn’t hungry anymore. I just wanted Christian now. He was the only one that I was sure wouldn’t judge me. He met me at my very worst, and loved me anyway.

 

_Sure thing darling. I’m at home, just meet me there._

 

I sat up slowly, making sure I didn’t make myself woozy. Adam glanced over and noticed that I was awake.

 

“Everything okay, Emmalee?” He asked.

 

“Yeah, I’m going to stay with Christian tonight, if that’s okay?” I don’t know why I was asking. It didn’t matter if they said yes.

 

“Okay, just text me when you get there okay?” Adam requested. I nodded, before unlocking my phone and sitting it in his open palm.  He typed his number,  and I’m assuming his name, before handing it back to me. “Please don’t share this with the internet.”

 

“Absolutely, Adam. I’ll just share it on my way to Christian’s.” I teased. “Of course I won’t.”

 

“I know.” Adam pressed a quick kiss to my forehead.

 

“Okay, bye Kris,” I called.

 

“Bye Em, be safe.” He called.

 

I drove to Christian’s, singing along to my Fall Out Boy CD as loud as possible. When I pulled up, to his apartment, I felt a weight lift off of me when I saw that Steve’s car wasn’t there. I sat in the car, another song longer, trying to slow my heart. I was going to tell him everything. I had to.

 


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emmalee meets Christian and tells him about Nathan. (Special warnings for mentions of rape in this chapter)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! My family maxed out our data plan for this cycle and we don't restart until Tuesday. I managed to grab some free wifi today, so I could upload this chapter. I'll be back with Chapter 5 on 8/8/15.

** Four **

*notes- so the school Emmalee wants to attend is University of Arkansas at Little Rock. Nathan wants to attend University of Arkansas main campus, which is in Fayetteville, AR.*

June 2014

 

I stood at Christian’s doorstep my finger hovering over the bell. The neighbors’ two sons were in the small courtyard behind the building chasing each other around under the lamplight and I allowed myself a moment to smile at them as they sprinted circles around each other.

 

“Are you just going to stand here all day?” Christian asked, startling me. I turned to look at him as he laughed. His long-ish hair was pulled back and he was barefoot. I just rolled my eyes playfully at him, following him back inside. His guitar was leaning on the couch and I knew that he’d been writing before he looked up and saw me standing at the door. “Everything okay?”

 

“Yeah, I just need to talk to you.” I repeated the contents of my text back to him. “And, um, I told Kris and Adam I was staying the night?”

 

“You know you’re always welcome here.” He assured me, taking my duffel from my hand and walking it to the guest room. I sank onto the couch as I waited for him to come back. He made himself comfortable, me leaning against one arm of the couch and him facing me against the other. It was the same position that we’d sat in the first time this happened. “Okay, I’m ready.”

 

“I wanted to tell you about Nathan.” I started quietly, the words coming out in a rush.

 

“Emmalee, you already talked to me about that, and I was there.” Christian promised, reaching out to squeeze my hand. “If you don’t want to get into personal details about this, you don’t have to.”

 

“I need to,” My voice cracked a little and I was trying not to start crying before I had even really began talking. “I can’t keep carry it around Christian. It’s smothering me.”

 

“Hey,” Christian moved closer to me, cupping my face in his hands. “Listen to me. Whatever I can do to help you, darling, I'll do it. When I told you that night I would be there for you, I meant it.”

 

“I just need you to bear with me, okay. It’s going to be long.” I told him, squeezing his hands and putting them in my lap. “It started just after I’d turned sixteen.”

 

_May 2012_

_“Emmalee, I’m home.” Ella called from the kitchen. I didn’t move from my spot in the office where my piano was. I knew she would come to me. “Have mom and dad talked to you yet?”_

_“About?” I frowned. Ella was grinning and I knew that something was wrong._

_“They said they were going to tell you before your birthday, but I guess I need to.” She pulled a file folder from behind her back. It looked official, like government paperwork, and I reached out to grab it. Ella pulled it back from me and started to read. “May 2, 1996. Mr. and Mrs. Hensen, my clients, Mr. and Ms. Gregory regret to inform you that they can no longer accept the adoption of the unborn child, Emmalee Hensen. They are not of sound financial stability to take care of another child at the moment. Respectfully yours, Riley Darren, Attorney.”_

_“Where-where did you get that?” I stammered, my eyes starting to sting, but I couldn’t cry. Not in front of Ella. I couldn’t give her the satisfaction of that._

  
_“The file cabinet in mom and dad’s room when I was looking for my passport,” Ella shrugged. “I thought you needed to know.” She dropped the folder in my lap with a laugh, and walked off. “I knew they never wanted you.”_

_I heard Ella’s old room door shut, and I sprinted upstairs the file still in my hand. Shutting and locking the door, I sank onto my bed, and opened the folder, laying it a little farther away so my tears wouldn’t drip on it. I read everything. I read that my mom started the adoption process as soon as she could when she found out she was pregnant with me. I read about the home visits and the meetings. The Gregory’s named me after their respective parents._

_They really didn’t want me._

_I threw the file off my bed and curled up on the bed, trying not to cry too loud. My stereo was playing softly. It always was and it muffled the sound of my tears as I sobbed into my pillow._

_I wasn’t sure how long I lay in the bed, but my head was pounding when I started to pay attention again. I could hear my parents shuffling around downstairs and that’s when I heard my phone buzzing. It was a text from Kayla and I smiled at it._

Hey, you still up for meeting tonight?

_I grinned, getting up to going to my closet and tapping out a message back to her._

 

Absolutely. Kings?

 

_I was already pulling out my black lace shorts, a black lace crop top and my sheer short sleeved black and pink floral kimono. My favorite black lace up boots would match perfectly and the pink flowers on them would match the flower crown in my hair. Kings would be a little chilly, but it would be warm outside and the patio door was always cracked._

_I didn’t bother to tell my parents where I was going when I walked out of the house. They knew I was probably with Kayla. I drove to her house, parking in the driveway and checking my makeup in the mirror._

_“Hey, do you mind driving to Little Rock?” Kayla asked, sliding into my car, and slipping a twenty under my visor. Her dark blue dress matched the wedge heels she had on. “They have some really good night clubs there, and I’m ready to dance tonight.”_

_“That sounds good to me.” At this point, anything that didn’t involve my family or Conway sounded good to me. We sang along with the radio all the way to Little Rock and once we got into the city, Kayla directed me to this club called, Backstreet. It looked exciting, and I couldn’t help but feel relieved once the bouncer let us in._

_The music was so loud I could feel the bass in my chest and that’s the way I liked it. The lights were dimmed, but it wasn’t dark enough that you couldn’t see the people milling around the tables and at the bar._

_“Meet here at 2am? They close at 3.” She suggested._

_“Sure,” I shrugged. We would both be dancing anyway, and I knew it would be a handful to try and keep up with Kayla at that point._

_I’m sure how many songs had passed when I glanced over to look for Kayla again. Her red hair made her easier to find and I finally found her at the bar, talking with someone. I started to manveour my way over there, when someone touched my arm._

_I turned to see Nathan McNeal, the sheriff’s son, standing behind me. He smiled, leaning closer to me to be heard over the music._

_“Hey, you’re Emmalee, right?” He asked. “I thought I saw you and your friend come in.”_

_“Yeah,” I shrugged, wondering what he could possibly need._

_“I’m Nathan,” He ran his hand through his brown hair nervously. “Sorry, you probably already knew that.”_

_I laughed a little then. “Yep, you’re the sheriff’s son.”_

_He rolled his eyes. “That will forever be my title. Do you want to sit somewhere?”_

_I glanced back at Kayla and she waved at me, giving me a thumbs up. “Sure, lead the way.”_

_Nathan led me towards the back of the club and as we passed through the backroom doors, the sounds of the music were muted so people could actually talk. I glanced around the area. It was decorated nicer than the front, with a separate bar, and comfortable chairs._

_“Do you want something to drink?” Nathan asked._

_“Water?”_

_He nodded and I sank into one of the chairs. I loved my boots, but I knew that my feet would be aching soon if I didn’t sit._

_Nathan came back with two bottles of water for us and sat next to me. I still couldn’t believe that he was even talking to me. He could have any girl at my high school that he wanted, and yet he wanted to speak to me. It was surreal._

_I wasn’t sure how long we talked. Nathan was funny and a lot smarter than I originally thought. He actually asked intelligent questions when I told him about my goal to become a pharmacist and when I glanced down at my watch, I realized it was time to meet Kayla._

_“Here, let me give you my number before you go.” Nathan offered. “Just in case you want to talk again.”_

_I laughed, but handed him my phone, letting him put his number in my phone._

_“I’ll see you around,”_

_I was walking on air the next few days._

June 2014

 

I sighed quietly, glancing at Christian who was still listening intently. He squeezed my hands again as he thought about how to phrase his thoughts.

 

“I’m so sorry about your parents.” He murmured. “And that was none of Ella’s business.”

 

“It’s fine. It doesn’t matter. It was just the catalyst that fucked me up.” I muttered bitterly.

 

“You couldn’t have known, Emmalee. There’s no way you could have known about Nathan after meeting him once.” He promised me. “You have to cut yourself some slack, okay? You can’t keep beating yourself up about this.”

 

“It’s not that I fell for him.” I whispered, rubbing my thumb against the back of Christian’s hand. “It’s that I stayed.”

 

“Emmalee,” Christian started again, but I shook my head.

 

“Can I- can I just finish this? Please? If I stop now, I won’t.” I asked quietly. Christian nodded, taking both my hands in his.

 

“I’m here to listen.”

 

_June 2012_

_“Nathan!” I yelled, but there was no heat to it. I was too busy laughing as he swung me around outside my house. “Thank you so much!”_

_“I know how much you love music, babe.” He grinned. “My dad got a discount on tickets.”_

_“Thank you thank you thank you,” I squeezed Nathan tightly. “You know I love Jason Aldean.”_

_“Of course I know Emmalee,” He kissed my cheek. “Happy late birthday.”_

_“Thank you,” I grinned, my heart feeling like was bursting out of my chest._

_“You better go pack, baby.” He grinned back at me. “And pack that cute little dress that I like.”_

_“I’ll pack what I like, Nathan.” I teased, “but yes, I’ll pack that dress.”_

_“Good. See you tomorrow?”_

_“Bright and early, Nashville-bound,” I spun around with a laugh._

_He blew me a kiss from the car, and I grinned, before walking into the house. Ella was sitting at the table and she raised an eyebrow when I skipped into the kitchen._

_“What’s got you so excited?”_

_“None of your fucking business,” I teased with a laugh. “So sad for you Ella.”_

_Ella huffed in annoyance and I laughed, singing as I went upstairs. My makeup bag was already packed from sleeping over at Kayla’s and I pulled my duffel from the closet. I wouldn’t need much at music fest. It was going to be way too hot for anything but shorts and thin shirts. I packed my old concert shirts and some tank tops. I couldn’t wait for tomorrow morning._

_“I’ll call you when we get to Nashville, Mom,” I promised. “Love you!”_

_I didn’t hear what my mom said as I grabbed my purse, duffel, and headed out the door. Nathan’s truck was in the drive way and I hopped in, tossing my bag in the back and shutting the door._

_“Morning,” He smiled, pressing a kiss to the corner of my mouth. “I got you some coffee. I figured we could stop in Memphis, get some barbeque?”_

_“Yeah,” I nodded. He handed me my iced caramel macchiato and I took a happy sip. “Thank you again, Nathan.”_

_“You’re absolutely welcome, babe.” Nathan headed towards the interstate._

_July 2012_

_“Barefoot blue jean night,” Nathan murmured, and I nodded, my face pressed against his neck. His fingers were playing with the fringe of my shorts and I smiled. We were laying on his deck, a blanket spread across the smooth wood. The radio was playing, and I could hear it softly from the house._

_“I can’t wait to get out of here.” I murmured quietly._

_“Me either,” He laughed. “College, away from my father, it’ll be nice.”_

_Nathan’s dad was a sheriff in Conway. He was always watching what we did, keeping an eye on Nathan’s age group. He liked to bust up parties, break up couples in parking lots, the usual adult things._

_“Where did you want to go?” I murmured._

_“University of Arkansas,”_

_“That’s a long way.” I murmured._

_“From Conway? From you?” Nathan pressed a kiss to my forehead. “It’s just two and a half hours. I checked.”_

_I leaned up and kissed him back, pressing my lips against his. Nathan chuckled quietly, running a hand through my dark hair, and kissing me back. I sighed happily as he settled his weight on top of me. I loved that feeling, of him heavy against me._

_“You would miss me wouldn’t you?” Nathan teased me, between kisses. “Well, I would miss you too.”_

_“Good.” I breathed back, reaching to run a hand under his shirt._

_“Nope,” He swatted my hand away, catching my wrist and noticing how I gasped. “Like that, Emmalee?”_

_“No,” I lied, but Nathan laughed._

_“I think you do.” He grinned and I felt my heart start to race. Nathan reached for his other wrist and I let him, stretching my shoulder so it wouldn’t pop when he pulled my hands above my head. Nathan had no idea that I loved this. I’d researched for hours when I first figured it out._

_“Maybe,” I relented, gasping in surprise as he switched to hold my wrists with one hand and slid the other down my pants. “Fucking hell, Nathan.”_

_“Yeah?” He smiled, his hand sliding between my legs._

_“Yes, please,” I begged._

_Nathan moved his hand up to my face, catching my jaw in his hand. “Yes…”_

_“Yes, sir.” I whispered._

_“Good girl,” He patted my cheek, before letting my wrists go. “If we do this, Em, we need to talk about it first.”_

_“Okay.” I smirked, writhing against him._

_“A talk without your hand down your pants, Emmalee.” Nathan gently admonished. “Tomorrow, after school, we’ll talk.”_

_“Okay,” I murmured quietly._

************)(

_September 2012_

_“So he told me we need a list of things that you like, might want to try, and things you never want to try.” Nathan started, pushing the paper towards me. “After that we need to discuss it, and then go from there.”_

_“Who was this he?” I asked quietly._

_“Zachary, a Dom from Silver, in Little Rock,” He smiled. “He was amazing.”_

_“Really,” I teased, a slight smile on my face too. Watching Nathan get excited about this excited me too. “Okay, I’ll write my list tonight. You do yours too, okay?”_

_“I will,” He promised, kissing me on the cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”_

_“Okay,” I murmured. I watched as he walked out of Starbucks a smile on his face._

_For a while, I thought everything was good. We did scenes. We occasionally went to Silver and Nathan learned a lot from Zachary._

_Then Nathan stopped hearing the word no. He stopped hearing “red”, he stopped hearing my safeword. I should have left the moment it started, but I couldn’t. It sounds like a stupid cop-out, but the sex was good, and it was perfect for letting off steam. At first I was still happy._

_I was less jittery, and anxious. Kayla noticed, my teachers noticed, and hell even my parents noticed. It was good at first. Then Nathan went too far with a spanking._

_“I fucking told you to stop.” I shook Nathan’s hands off my arm as I contemplated how I was going to survive the fifteen minute ride home. My ass was burning, and even walking pained me. “So leave me the fuck alone. Don’t fucking call me.”_

_Nathan just watched me leave. I barely made it home, tears stinging in my eyes. No one was home, and I just trekked upstairs, turning the warm water on in my bathtub. I set my stuff down in my room, swallowed a couple of Tylenol dry, and slowly pulled my clothes back off. I was sore everywhere._

_That night in the bath was the first time I thought about leaving Nathan._

June 2014

 

“Emmalee,” Christian’s voice broke and I looked up. I was crying, and I had been since the start of this, but there were tears in Christian’s eyes.

 

“He took pictures of me when I was tied up; he raped me.” I tried to catch my breath. “When you found me that November, I was ready to die.”

 

“Come here.” Christian requested quietly. I did as he said, sliding across the couch to sit next to him. He wrapped his arm around me, and I rested my head on his shoulder. “I’m here for you. I always will be.”

 

“I love you.” I murmured back, only slightly concerned about the implications of my words.

 

“I love you too, darling.” He pulled me closer. “You don’t want to hear this, but we need to go to the police.”

 

“Already did,” I whispered. “Nathan’s dad is the deputy director of the state troopers in our county. It didn’t get past the city police.”

 

Christian’s brows furrowed for a moment, but he quickly realized what that meant. “Em, they didn’t even listen?”

 

“Nathan’s dad stopped the investigation before it even got started.” I laid my head on his shoulder again. “Will you play me a song?”

 

“Of course,” Christian shifted a little, picking up his guitar, and plucking at the strings for a moment. He looked a little unsure, but as the chords started to fall into place, I smiled a watery smile.

 

_“Fade in, start the scene, enter beautiful girl,”_

Christian was singing _Self-Conclusion_ , our song. It was the first song he'd ever played for me after the hospital and I couldn't stop the tears from falling.

 

“Emmalee,” Christian set the guitar down and shifted, letting me lay by him on the couch. “Shhh, it’s going to be okay.”

 

I tried taking a deep breath to stop the tears, but a sob just choked its way up my throat. Christian ran his fingers through my hair, pulling me closer to him. The last thing I remembered was him kissing my forehead.


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emmalee deals with the fall out after telling Christian the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, just a heads up this chapter contains mentions of rape and a flashback scene with a detailed suicide attempt in it. If you are triggered by this, please don't read it and trigger yourself. Send me a message or comment and let me know and I will find a way to send you a chapter written without that scene so you don't miss anything. Don't trigger yourself.  
> Enjoy this chapter! I'm going to do job training next week so expect chapter six next Sunday (8/16/15) and then chapter seven should be on time on that Saturday (8/22/15). I will moving back into my dorm soon so if that affects the timing, I will try to let you know!

** Five **

 

At some point in the middle of the night, Christian moved me to the bed. I was so comfortable curled up next to him in the bed, my head resting on his chest. His heartbeat was slow and steady, and I felt it lolling me back to sleep.

 

_“Nathan, I really don’t feel like it today.” I sighed as he followed me upstairs. “I’m tired.”_

_“And I’m hard,” Nathan leered, yanking me back against him as I walked into my room. “So shut the fuck up and get over it.”_

_“No.” I shook myself out of his grasp. “I said I don’t want to.”_

_I never saw the slap coming- my cheek was just suddenly throbbing in pain._

_“Fuck,” I touched my face, but before I had time to turn around, he was shoving me face-first onto my bed, and pulling my sweater up. My arms were tangled in it behind my back, and Nathan rested one arm on my arms as he used his other hand to pull my skirt up. Tears were streaming down my face at this point. “Nathan, stop! Stop!”_

 

“What the fuck?!” The angry voice jolted me straight out of my nightmare. I couldn’t catch my breath and my heart was racing. “Fucking hell. Emmalee of course.”

 

I couldn’t identified the voice, and even though I knew the nightmare with Nathan had been a nightmare, the shouting had scared me so bad I couldn’t breathe. I realized that I was crying only when the tears splashed onto my fingers.

 

“Emmalee,” Christian’s face was suddenly swimming in front of my eyes. “Breathe, darlin’. I’m right here.”

 

I focused on his eyes and his breathing, trying to calm myself down. For once, it actually worked. Christian didn’t have to hum this time; his breathing was enough to slow my racing heart. The tears completely slowed, and I clung tightly to Christian’s hands.

 

When my eyes finally focused, I took in the sight of Steve standing in the doorway. I’d never seen him that mad. His blonde hair was ruffled, and his normally pale cheeks were flushed.

 

“Go to the kitchen, Steve.” Christian’s voice was more serious than I had ever heard it. Steve glared at me, but he left the doorway. “Hey, you okay?”

 

“I just had a nightmare.” I whispered, my voice cracking. “And then Steve, I thought-“

 

I cut myself off because I couldn’t bring myself to keep talking about Nathan. Christian pulled me closer to him and I took a shuddering breath, trying to stop the sobs before they started.

 

“Shhh,” He smoothed my hair. “It’s okay, Emmalee. It’s okay to cry.”

 

“Okay,” I murmured, wiping my eyes. “I’m so sorry. God, I'm just crying all the time.”

 

“Don’t worry about me, Emmalee. I want to make sure you’re okay. Steve will get the fuck over himself.” Christian rolled his eyes.

 

“Okay.” I take another breath. “Okay, I’m okay.”

 

“Good.” Christian pressed a kiss to the tip of my nose. “You can shower in here, okay?”

 

“Thank you.”

 

He squeezed my hand one last time. “I’m going to go talk to Steve.”

 

“Good luck,” I gave him a small smile.

 

“Thank you.” He rolled his eyes and stood. I watched as he walked out, before pushing the door closed and stretching a little. Christian had brought my bag back to his room already, and I was glad I didn’t have to walk back outside. I stepped into the bathroom turning on the shower. I knew I was a sore spot for Steve, but this was going to make it worse.

 

_November 2012_

_I wasn’t exactly sure how long I’d been driving, but I was still furious when I pulled over off highway 64. The diner looked nice enough and there were a few cars out front as I expected early on a Saturday. I took a breath to calm my nerves before walking inside._

_“Hi, just one?” The boy at the hostess stand was beautiful and I was caught off guard for a moment. He was gorgeous with bright green eyes and a mouth that would put most women to shame._

_“Yeah, just one.” I confirmed, following him back to one of the smaller booths. There were a few other people in the diner, but not many._

_“Sophia will be over to get your order in a little bit, okay?” He smiled at me and I couldn’t help but smile back. His name tag said Jensen and he handed me a menu before walking back to the front of the restaurant._

_I looked over the menu, smiling when it said that they served breakfast on the weekends. I loved breakfast and I decided instantly that I wanted pancakes._

_“Hi, my name is Sophia and I’ll be your waitress today.” Sophia was a petite brunette not much taller than me. “Do you know what you want to drink?”_

_“Sweet tea please?” I smiled at her bouncing on her feet as she wrote it down, “and can I get the blueberry pancakes?”_

_“Sure,” She grinned. “Christian will be excited. No one’s wanted pancakes for a while.”_

_“Christian?” I wondered aloud._

_“Our main chef,” Sophia explained. “He loves making pancakes but people don’t get them all the time.”_

_“Oh, well I’m glad I can help.” I grinned._

_She bounced back to the kitchen after that, bringing me my sweet tea a few minutes later. I liked it here I decided. The anger over Ella was melting away, and I leaned my head back against the booth listening to the quiet country music and talking in the background._

_“Blueberry pancakes?”_

_The man that brought my pancakes out was also gorgeous. He held my pancakes but I was a little distracted by his shoulder length brunette hair and ice blue eyes._

_“Yep, that’s me.” I smiled._

_“I hope you enjoy them. It’s the first time I’ve made them in a while.” His accent was thick and I was instantly charmed._

_Christian and I talked almost every time I walked into the restaurant after that, striking up a quick friendship over shared loves of baking and music._

October 2013

_Nathan broke up with me._

_I was drowning. After the break up, I’d tried to go to the police and Nathan’s father had laughed in my face. He told me that Nathan warned him I would come in here telling lies. Then he told me I’d told Nathan to hurt me and I felt the ground drop from under me. He said Nathan had let him read my texts and that I was disgusting._

_I cried so hard I couldn’t drive home for almost an hour. My parents were just completely oblivious as always._

_Nathan had broken up with me in front of most of the school and I knew that the rumors would be flying already. I was going to have to go back and face that, and face the fact that Nathan’s dad was going to tell him I’d tried coming to the station._

_The next day was just as terrible as I suspected. Kayla wasn’t talking to me and everyone was talking about me. When I had started dating Nathan, I’d started hanging out with a lot of his friends and Kayla had followed me into that since she was my closest friend. Now none of them wanted anything to do with me._

_“Hey, Kayla,” I half-jogged to catch up with her, “what’s going on? You okay?”_

_“I can’t believe you came back here after that.” She glared at me and I felt my heart start to race._

_“After what?” I was honestly confused. “Kayla what are you talking about?”_

_“Saying that Nathan raped you? Going to his father about it? What the fuck is wrong with you?”_

_“Kayla he did.” I insisted quietly._

_“Oh my god, stop lying Emmalee. Everyone knew you two were screwing from his house to your house and everywhere inbetween. Stop acting like you didn’t want it.” She rolled her eyes. “You need to grow the fuck up and stop lying because he decided you weren't good enough to fuck anymore."_

_It felt like the breath had been knocked out of me and I stared at her._

_“Stop fucking talking to me. We aren’t friends.” With those words, Kayla walked away from me, her heeled boots clicking on the tile._

_I barely made it into the school bathroom before starting to cry. I felt like my life was falling apart._

_The next few weeks continued like that. I would eat my lunch in the library or in my car, because I couldn’t bear to be around them. The entire school seemed to know about my relationship with Nathan. People laughed at me in the hallways, and snickered at me during class. It was like everywhere I went, their eyes followed._

_Then the second week of November, just when I thought everything had started to calm down, my world completely shattered._

November 2013

_When I got home my parents were waiting at the table. The counselor had called them because she’d gotten an anonymous tip that I was self-harming. My legs almost gave out._

_“Roll your sleeve up.” My dad didn’t even say hello, and when I hesitated, he grabbed my arm and pushed it up for himself. The bruises from the last time Nathan held me down hadn’t quite faded, but the dozens of tiny crossing lines were still clear to see. “What is wrong with you Emmalee?”_

_My mom just sniffed and I knew she’d been crying since the counselor called. That just sounded like my mom._

_“Nothing,” I spat, yanking my arm away from him and stomping up to my room and locking the door. Today had been too much. I changed into a pair of sweats and an old t shirt, before flopping down on my bed and turning my music up as loud as it could go. Of Mice & Men hadn’t really been my thing before, but when my Pandora Pierce the Veil station played “Feels Like Forever” I had gotten up and gone to buy the CD right then._

_Even when I was cutting, I had never felt like this. My whole world had shattered and I didn’t know how I was going to continue like this. The whole school thought that I was falsely accusing Nathan of rape to get back at him for breaking up with me. I had a sinking feeling they would know I was cutting by tomorrow as well._

_As I laid on the bed, Feels like Forever echoing in my head, I made up my mind. I didn’t want to live like this anymore and I didn’t have any other option. I couldn’t face my parents again and I sure as hell couldn’t go back to school._

_I was fucking worthless, just like I’d thought so many times. No one would love me, not after what Nathan had done. I was broken, and nothing would fix me._

_I stood, feeling like a zombie as I pulled a piece of paper and started writing quickly. After I finished, I changed clothes and left the folded note on my bed. I turned my phone off as well, leaving it next to the note. Slipping my feet into my boots, I stood at the steps listening for my parents, but the kitchen sounded quiet. I stopped in my bathroom first, grabbing my makeup bag to drop in my purse because my blades were in there._

_My parents must have been back in their room and I breathed a sigh of relief. Slipping my keys off the ring by the door, I left closing it as quietly as possible._

_Driving out of Conway, I didn’t realize exactly where I was going until I got there. The Bush Diner wasn’t packed yet. There were twenty cars or so there and I decided it would be alright.I wanted to die somewhere I loved. I walked in, smiling at Jensen who was back at the hostess stand. He smiled back and I headed into the bathrooms towards the back my heart breaking. I hadn’t seen Christian’s truck at the restaurant which was good. I didn’t want him to see me like this._

_Locking the door to the corner stall, I bit my lip, sitting on the closed toilet seat and pulling out my makeup bag. The blades at the bottom were extremely sharp. I hadn’t had a chance to use them yet. I tested the first blade on my finger, satisfied with the thin line of blood that appeared. Holding my breath, I dragged the blade across my wrists, one then the other. The burning pain was something I expected. The blood that wouldn’t stop was something I hadn’t realized. Taking another breath, I slid the blade up to my elbow, watching as the blood appeared, and I could barely switch hands to complete the job._

_My left arm was bleeding really badly, soaking into my jeans and I realized that I must have nicked a vein or artery, because it wouldn’t stop. My fingers were slippery with blood as I slid the blade up my other arm and it started bleeding immediately._

_I was already feeling a little woozy, and I leaned my head against the stall. I wasn’t really sure how long I’d been sitting in there, but my jeans and shirt were soaked in blood and I was feeling really sleepy._

 

_"No, I'm just going to -" The door to the bathroom creaked open and then I heard a shriek. "Someone's bleeding in here!"_

_I heard scuffling and my eyes fell back closed as dizziness rushed over me in a wave. The jingling of the stall door pulled me back to reality, but I could feel myself slipping away again. The door swung open._

_“Miss, are you-,” Sophia started pushing the door before screaming. “Shit, Christian, get in here now!”_

_Heavy footsteps followed her panicked shout, as she pulled the hand towels hanging by the sink  to wrap my arms._

_“Soph, call 911. I’ll stay with her.” Christian wasn’t supposed to be here. His blue eyes locked on mine, and he held the towels tight to my arms as he spoke. “Stay with me darlin’, keep those pretty eyes open, for me.”_

_I didn’t want to do as he said, I wanted to die._

_“Em, just listen to me okay? You’re going to be alright.” Christian promised, squeezing my hand. “Stay with me.”_

_It felt like hours before the EMTs showed up. Someone was pulling Christian away from me and I remembered crying out and reaching for his hand again. I didn’t let him go the entire way to the hospital._

 

_I didn't remember much from the ambulance to the hospital bed. There was a lot of talking, but I was just so sleepy. Then next thing I remembered was opening my eyes to Christian._

 

_"Emmalee," He breathed, standing to press a kiss to my forehead, then my cheeks. I could feel the warmth of his tears on my face. "I thought we were going to lose you."_

 

_"I-" My voice felt like it had been scratched raw._

 

_"Shh," Christian placed a calloused finger on my lips, before walking to the bathroom and returning with a small glass of water. "Drink this first. I'm not going anywhere. We can talk in a minute."_

 

_I did want he said, taking a few deep breaths. My throat instantly started feeling much better._

 

_"I'm sorry." I whispered._

 

_"Don't apologize darling." Christian murmured. "I just want to know why?"_

 

_I opened my mouth to answer just as a nurse walked back in the room._

 

_"Miss Hensen, you're awake. Glad to see that." She smiled, walking over to check my IV bag. "Your parents should be here in a few minutes and then the pediatric psychiatrist will be here to talk with you okay?"_

 

_"My parents?" I asked, my heart rate spiking._

 

_"Yes, Miss Henson." She repeated, her eyes focused on me now. "Please do try not to panic. They're really worried about you."_

 

 

January 2014

_It was the first time that my parents had let me out of the house with no supervision and I knew exactly where I was going. The dusting of snow had melted by noon but the drive to the diner was still uneventful because of the lack of traffic. The parking lot was almost empty as well. When there was even the threat of snow, most people in the south didn’t leave home unless they had too._

_I stepped out of my Jetta and stood there for a moment, my heart racing at the thought of seeing Christian again. My parents had been adamant that no one knew what happened that day in February. Most people thought that I’d collapsed from stress or something else. My parents wanted it to stay that way, and that meant absolutely no visits from the man that took me to the hospital._

_The scars on my arms were almost healed. I’d gotten my stitches taken out just a week and a half after they admitted me. I just pulled my sleeves down a little and took a deep breath before walking inside._

_“Good afternoon,” Sophia was leaning on the hostess stand and I felt my heart start to race again. Her eyes widened as she looked at me. “Hey, you’re okay.”_

_I couldn’t really say anything, I just nodded._

_“Thank God,” She walked up and hugged me tightly, and I let her. “I’ll go get Christian.”_

_“Okay,” I murmured._

_“Go sit okay? I’ll bring him out.” Sophia told me._

_I nodded, going to sit in one of the booths._

_“Em?”_

_I looked up again to see Christian standing by the booth._

_“Hi,” My voice was so quiet, and Christian gently reached for my wrists to check to see if they were healing. “Thank you for rescuing me.”_

_“How are you feeling?” He asked me quietly, letting go and sliding into the booth across me._

_“I’m okay.” I decided that it was true. The psychiatrist I was seeing was helping, even though he didn’t know the whole truth._

_“Good,” He sighed. “They thought you were going to die on your way to the hospital.”_

_I sighed quietly and I felt my eyes stinging. Christian glanced back up at my face, before standing and reaching for my hand._

_“Come on, let’s go to the back.”_

_I frowned, but I followed Christian past the rest of the booths towards the back of the diner. We passed another blonde man who frowned at Christian, trying to ask him something, but Christian just kind of waved him off. Pulling me into the back office and shutting the door, Christian took a breath before pulling me into a tight hug._

_I choked back a sob, because I felt Christian’s tears on my cheek._

_“I thought you were going to die Emmalee. What happened?”_

_I pressed my face into his shirt, not wanting to face him._

_“Nathan broke up with me.” I whispered into his shirt. “He-he raped me Christian.”_

_Christian pulled me back from him to look in my eyes. “So when we were at the hospital, those injuries that the nurse was asking about-“_

_“From him,” I whispered. “All of them were from him.”_

_“Fuck- Emmalee, why didn’t you say anything?” He demanded, but calmed down when I started crying. “Shhh, it’s okay.”_

_“I’m sorry.”_

_“Shh, don’t apologize.” Christian insisted, pressing a kiss to my forehead, and that’s when the blond guy stuck his head in the door. He glared at us, before stepping back. “Ignore Steve, I’ll talk to him later.”_

 

_"Okay," I replied._

 

_"Sit down. I have a song for you." He told me._

June 2014

 

Steve had been concerned and jealous of my relationship with Christian from the moment he noticed it. I knew it was because Christian was bisexual and he was afraid I would steal Christian from him. However if he wasn’t careful, he’d lose him all on his own.

 

I got out of the shower, toweling myself off and pulling my wet hair out of my face. I used a towel to get the most of the water out, but it was still damp as I pulled it up in a bun and put a pair of shorts and a t-shirt on.

 

I folded my dirty clothes up and set them on top of my duffel bag in Christian’s room before venturing out towards the front of his apartment and stopping short at the angry conversation I heard.

 

“She needed me Steve. I don’t know what about that you can’t understand, but she didn’t have anyone.” Christian sounded furious and I knew the ‘she’ he spoke about was me.

 

“She wants to fuck you Christian. Why can’t you see that?” Steve just sounded exasperated at this point, and I felt a pang of guilt because I did think that he was gorgeous. If Christian wasn’t attached I’d be trying to date him in a heartbeat.

 

“It’s not like that Steve.” Christian insisted. “She respects our boundaries.”

 

“You just want to fix the town charity case don’t you?” Steve spat, and my heart stopped because I knew it was going to get bad, very quickly. “Don’t act like I can’t see the scars she tries to hide. You can’t fix people like that. She’ll go back to the blade, Christian and you won’t be soon enough to save her.”

 

I thought the ground had shifted, but I realized that my legs had given out and I was sitting against the wall outside the kitchen.

 

“Get the fuck out of my apartment and don’t come back.” I’d never heard Christian like this. He was furious, I knew that, but the tone in his voice wasn’t to be fucked with. Steve started to speak again, but Christian cut him off. “Get out. Now.”

 

I heard the front door close and then Christian was walking back inside.

 

“Emmalee?”

 

“I wouldn’t, you know that right?” I asked quietly, standing up. He pulled me into a tight hug.

 

“I know that Emmalee.” He sighed. “Steve and I have been on the rocks for a long time. This was just the breaking point.”

 

“I never wanted to inconvenience you.” I murmured.

 

“Emmalee, you aren’t an inconvenience, okay?” Christian tilted my head to look at him. “You’re important to me and I’ll help you anyway I can.”

 

“Okay.” I responded, then pausing at a sound. “I think that’s my phone.”

 

Christian released me and I walked back into his room where my phone was sitting in the pocket of my purse. It was my parents. They had called twice and my dad had left me a text.

 

**From Dad: Your mom is worried. Call us back.**

I sighed. I was going to have to go back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just read this chapter again and wanted to clarify: I don't mean any negativity by the interactions with Steve and Christian. More than anything I'm just playing on Steve's insecurity about losing Christian. I just realized reading back that it could kind of be taken offensively by the LGBT community and that isn't my intent or Emmalee's.  
> I know that when you aren't security about a relationship in your life (friendship, dating, etc.) you worry a lot about losing that person. In both Emmalee and Steve's case they are worried about losing Christian and they don't react in the best of ways.


	6. Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to apologize for the time it's taken to update this story. If you don't follow my tumblr (chloelan14), you might not have heard, but my grandmother died just after Thanksgiving and it really fucked me up. We had to sell her house so it was rough on all of us.  
> Needless to say I wasn't in the writing mood. I had to miss class for a lot of things at the end of the semester and one of my teachers wouldn't work with me so I had to re-take a class. Honestly it's just been pretty insane all over.  
> But now, I'm back. I love this story and I've been working on it way too long to give it up.  
> Enjoy the chapter and if you have any questions, message me on here or tumblr.

** Six **

 

When I pulled my car into the driveway, I didn’t see my mom’s car or my sister’s. I breathed a quiet sigh of relief. It would just be my dad. I could just talk to my dad. Taking a steadying breath, I unlocked the door and stepped inside, hanging my car keys on the hook by the door.

 

“Emmalee?” I heard my dad call, probably from the media room.

 

“Yeah dad.” I sighed, grabbing an Arnold Palmer from the refrigerator, and heading back to the media room. My dad was sprawled on the couch watching Motor Week and I smiled because it was so much like it used to be. “I’m sorry I ran.”

 

“We just want to make sure you’re okay.” My dad promised, pausing the tv and turning to look at me. “What your mother said before, that was out of line.”

 

My eyes stung as I remembered.

 

_“Do you not have anything to say for yourself, Emmalee? What will your future husband think when he finds out you’re impure? Tainted by someone else? Do you honestly think that he’ll want you?”_

“And you know she’s always had a soft spot for Ella.” My dad sighed. “I should have stopped her before, and for that I’m sorry.”

 

“Thanks dad,” I whispered. “Ella told me about the adoption you know.”

 

He looked surprised, shaken even, and I could see him taking a deep breath.

 

“We were going to tell you.” My dad promised quietly. “Your mother couldn’t agree on a time, and I didn’t want to tell you and ruin your birthday.”

 

“So you let her tell me?” I asked.

 

“She wasn’t supposed to know,” My dad rubbed his temples. “We didn’t tell her.”

 

“Okay,” I nodded.

 

“I’m sorry.” My dad apologized.

 

“Back in the hospital in December, when the nurse asked me about those injuries, I lied.” I admitted.

 

“You lied?” My dad moved to the front of the sofa. “Emmalee, you lied about it? Who hurt you?”

 

“My ex,” I whispered.

 

“Emmalee, you had sprains and fractured ribs. You had scars on your back that were so deep that the nurse said you should have had stitches.” My dad stopped, and I looked up, I couldn’t tell if he was angry or sad. “Who was your ex, Emmalee?”

 

“Dad, no,” I sighed. “It was just some guy from out of town. He’s long gone now.”

 

My dad raised an eyebrow at me and I could tell he didn’t quite believe me, but he knew not to push it right now. I just got up and sat next to him and he let me curl up next to him like I used to when I was little. He didn’t say anything. He just continued to play the TV like nothing happened and I closed my eyes.

 

For a moment, I could pretend that none of this had happened.

 

Just as quickly as it came, that moment was shattered.

 

 “Emmalee, I saw your car. We need to talk young lady.” My mom’s voice echoed in the house. I rolled my eyes so hard they almost hurt. She wasn’t going to be reasonable like my dad. I knew that.

 

“We already talked. There’s nothing to discuss.” My dad’s voice surprised me and when I realized what he said, I froze. My mom also froze in the doorway. She was shocked. I was too. “I talked to Emmalee and we had an understanding. The discussion is over.”

 

“Ron that’s not what we discussed.” My mom hissed.

 

“That’s the problem.” My dad chuckled, wryly. “We didn’t discuss. You told me what we were going to do and I didn’t agree. So I decided to take matters into my own hands.”

 

My mom glared at the both of us, a frown on her face, but my dad didn’t back down. She just turned on her heels and left. I could hear her dialing someone on her phone and I knew that she was calling Ms. Kim, Kris’s mom, to complain about me and my dad. That was fine. Ms. Kim probably didn’t take her seriously anyway.

 

“Emmalee,” My dad shifted, so I did too, turning to look at him. “Be honest with me. Is the boy who caused this still here? Is he the reason you’ve been having nightmares?”

 

I glanced up at him, startled. Our rooms were on different sides of the house. I had no idea that my dad could hear me at night.

 

“He’s gone.” I lied. Nathan would be gone in a few months and so would I. All of this would be over. “And the nightmares aren’t as bad now.”

 

At that my dad raised an eyebrow. I just glanced away. I couldn’t look at his face anymore, scared of the pity and sadness I would see there. He didn’t say anything else, just hugged me tightly.

 

“Are you going to stay home tonight?” He asked quietly.

 

“If you want me to,” I relented. “I need to start packing and making a list of the stuff I need for my room anyway.”

 

“Thank you,” He kissed my forehead and pressed play on the TV. The spell was broken, but I felt much better.

 

My dad settled in his spot, and I stood heading back to my room upstairs. My dresser was covered in different college packing lists, and I picked up the stack to sit it next to me on the bed. I changed into an old shirt and some shorts before crawling into my bed and opening my computer. Acoustic music was definitely what I was feeling today.

 

The playlist I found on 8tracks was perfect, and I hummed along as I started to add more things to my list and highlight the items I already knew I had.  About half way through my list, my phone chimed. I glanced down at it, expecting a text from Christian, but instead getting a request from Kris and Adam. They wanted me to meet them at the Starbucks in town.

 

I sighed, going back into my closet to change shirts and pull on some shoes. When I walked back downstairs, my dad was still watching tv, and I stuck my head in the door.

 

“I’m going to meet Kris and Adam, okay?” I asked.

 

“Okay,” He replied. “Drive safe.”

 

“I will.” I promised. “I’ll be back before too late.”

 

He nodded, and I smiled, stepping in to press a kiss to his cheek and going back to grab my keys off the hook and heading out to the car. The warm June air had a slight breeze so it wasn’t stifling and I cracked my windows, singing all the way to the Starbucks. It felt like a weight off my chest to tell my dad a little bit of the truth.

 

I pulled into the parking lot and shot Christian a text to let him know everything was okay, and that I’d see him later. Kris and Adam were sitting in the back corner of the coffee shop to avoid being seen. As I walked up, Adam got up and hugged me tightly. He smelled amazing and I sighed quietly, relaxing into his arms.

 

“Hi,” He murmured into my ear.

 

“Hi.” I whispered. He squeezed me tight before letting me go.

 

“Are you okay?” He asked, sliding a cup of coffee to me. “It’s soy.”

 

“Thanks, and I’m okay,” I shrugged, sitting next to Adam and across from Kris. Adam was sitting close so our legs pressed together, and I was glad for the grounding touch.

 

“You stayed with Christian and everything was okay?” Kris asked softly, and I could tell he was being cautious.

 

“Yeah, it was fine. I mean, Steve came in and lost his shit, but what’s new?” I rolled my eyes.

 

“Christian’s boyfriend?” Kris asked.

 

“Yeah, he doesn’t really like me.” I shrugged. “He thinks I want Christian.”

 

“But you do?” Adam suggested.

 

“No.” I denied, but Adam just raised an eyebrow. “Okay, yes, but I never wanted to take him from Steve. I respect their relationship.”

 

“That’s-” Adam sighed. “That’s noble of you.”

 

“I’m a fucking idiot.” I sighed, laying my head on my hands for a minute. “I might love him.”

 

Adam chuckled, squeezing my hands. “We both are.” He murmured quietly, glancing sideways at Kris, who was concentrating on his cup.

 

“Adam,” I started, but he just shook his head and I dropped it. “What else do you plan on doing while you’re here?”

 

“Maybe play a surprise show tomorrow?”  Kris suggested.

 

“What?” I blinked in surprise.

 

“Like a pop-up show?” Kris explained. “We’ll announce it at midnight and then play a show tomorrow night, probably at Kings, so we’ll have to limit the tickets.”

 

“That would be amazing.” I grinned. “The fans- me too- would love that.”

 

“That’s what I thought too.” Kris grinned. “Front row is saved for you, Em.”

 

“Thank you,” I leaned over to press a kiss to Kris’s cheek. “Thanks both of you, for everything.”

 

“No problem honey.” Adam squeezed my hand.


	7. Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait! I graduated so it's been crazy.

** Seven **

 

The next morning found me humming Paramore and standing in front of my closet, trying to pick something to wear to Adam and Kris’s show tonight. They had put the tickets on sale and Kings had sold out in less than an hour.

 

It was definitely going to be hot in there once everyone got in, but I had planned on getting there long before the show and VIP started. I pulled out my favorite boots, the ones I had met Nathan in.

 

I loved those boots. My mom had found them at a Dillards clearance sale and they were almost a quarter of their regular price. I still remembered how excited I was when she brought them home. It had definitely eased my strained household.

 

After Nathan, I had put them in the back of my closet and not looked at them for months, but I was going to wear them for this day. Adam had said replace my memories with new ones and that's what I was going to do.

 

I pulled out my favorite black lace shorts, a black lace tank, and a new pink gauzy shirt that I bought a few weeks ago. I was hanging the outfit up on the hanger when my dad called up the stairs.

 

"Hey Emmalee, Christian's here to see you. I'm sending him up."

 

"Okay," I called back, stepping into the bathroom to pull a tshirt over my sports bra and closing my closet. I could hear Christian's footsteps on the stairs and I tried to ignore the butterflies in my stomach.

 

"Hey, Em." Christian called, pushing my door open a little.

 

"Hey, you can come in," I replied, pushing my bathroom door closed.

 

"How are you?" He asked, leaning in to hug me. I just relaxed for a minute, enjoying the hug, before pressing a kiss to his cheek.

 

"I'm good just picking out an outfit for tonight. How are you?" I wondered. I really wanted to ask what he was doing here, but I bit my tongue.

 

"I'm okay." He shrugged his shoulders. "I just need to talk to you."

 

"Okay," I frowned at his wording. "Sit, we can talk."

 

Christian toed his boots off, letting me settle on my bed, before sitting next to me, and I frowned internally. He seemed nervous.

 

"Is everything okay?" I asked before I could catch myself.

 

"It's fine. It's just- Steve and I broke up."

 

I felt like my heart had stopped. Christian sighed, running a hand through his hair.

 

"I'm sorry," My voice cracked at the end. "Oh god, Christian, I'm so sorry."

 

"It wasn't you." Christian murmured, cupping my face. "Stop your train of thought right there darling. It wasn't you."

 

"Yes it was." I whispered. "You fought over me."

 

"We fought because I didn’t realize how insensitive and terrible he could be.” Christian corrected. “The things he said to you, no one should ever have to hear.”

 

“It wasn’t that big of a deal, Christian,” I shrugged. “It isn’t like I hadn’t heard this kind of thing around town before.”

 

“You shouldn’t _have_ to hear it,” Christian insisted. “Look at me, Em. You _should not have to hear things like that._ ”

 

“Okay,” I whispered. Christian pressed a kiss to my forehead and sighed.

 

“You have to be anywhere today?” Christian asked.

 

“Nope, just at the show this afternoon.” I shrugged, trying not to snicker as Christian yawned. “Kick off your jeans and take a nap.”

 

“I’ll just go home.” Christian murmured, starting to swing his feet out of the bed.

 

“Shut up and get comfortable.” I rolled my eyes at him, standing and waiting on him to get up, before pulling my comforter and sheets back. “I’ll set my alarm for noon.”

 

He hesitated, but faltered as he watched me set my phone and sit it on my nightstand before crawling back into my bed.

 

"Okay, fine." Christian rolled his eyes, pulling off his jeans and folding them up to sit on my chair. He pulled off his flannel shirt and laid it on the back of the chair as well before sliding into bed with me. I pulled my sheets and comforter back up, settling on my side and rolling my eyes. I could sense Christian hesitating again, and I just grabbed his arm, wrapping it around my waist.

 

“Emmalee,” Christian started, but I just shushed him.

 

"We're going to sleep." I murmured.

 

“Okay.” He sighed, his breath ruffling my hair. I closed my eyes, focusing on his slow heart beat and drifting off to sleep.

**************()

The soft sound of movement woke me up. Christian was leaning over me, turning off my alarm and I shifted, rolling over to look at him. He still looked tired honestly and I sighed. He didn’t sleep well last night. I could tell.

 

“Was it terrible?” I asked quietly, resting my cheek on his arm. Christian sighed, settling back next to me without jostling my head. “I mean- you don’t have to tell me.” I backtracked. Fuck. He probably didn’t want to talk about it.

 

“Stop doing that.” He demanded gently. “Don’t ever second guess what you have to say to me.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“It was terrible.” Christian admitted. “Steve has definitely been harboring some bad feelings about things and-“

 

“About me.” I interrupted before I could catch myself. “He’s been harboring bad feelings about me?”

 

“Emmalee-“ Christian sighed.

 

“Just tell me the truth. He doesn’t like me, he thinks you spend too much time with me, which one is it?”

 

“He thought I was cheating, okay?” Christian rubbed his free hand over his face. “He thought I was cheating on him with you, even after I told him that wasn’t the case. He knows how much you mean to me and he thought that might translate to something physical.”

 

“And you don’t feel that way?” I could feel my heart breaking, just a little bit.

 

“Fuck, Emmalee you know that isn’t true.” Christian cupped my cheek with his hand, before pulling away. “You know I’ve always loved you.”

 

My heart was literally in my chest. He _loved_ me?

 

“From the moment I met you, I knew you were going to be important to me. It was shitty of me not to break up with Steve then.”

 

I just stared as the words truly sunk in.

 

"But you aren’t ready, and I couldn’t do that to him or you.” Christian admitted. “You still need time to heal, even if you think you don’t okay?”

 

I huffed a sigh, rolling my eyes at him. “Fine.”

 

“Okay.” He stood then, reaching for his shirt on the chair and pulling it back on. “I have to run some errands, but I’ll catch up with you later at the show, okay?”

 

“Alright,” I got out of the bed too, spreading the sheets back on the bed, and pulling my tshirt back over my head and stepping into a longer pair of shorts so my parents wouldn’t complain. Christian trailed me downstairs and I leaned into his quick side hug before he headed to his truck.

 

I watched as he drove away, his words echoing in my ear. He _loved_ me? Honestly, I thought that would be impossible. He _knew_ how fucked up I was and he loved me anyway. My heart fluttered and I let myself grin like an idiot for just a second. A chime from my phone distracted me from that.

 

_Hey we’re already at Kings. You can come whenever you’re ready_

I smiled at Adam’s text as I walked back inside. My parents were talking in the kitchen and I stuck my head inside to tell them good afternoon before heading back to my room to get dressed.

 

After hopping out of my shower, I dried my hair, getting dressed and putting my hair up in a messy bun before doing my makeup. It didn’t take me nearly as long to get ready as I thought and I shot a quick text to Adam, before grabbing my bag and heading back downstairs. My dad was sitting watching tv, and I kissed him goodbye.

 

“I’m heading out to Adam and Kris’s show, okay Dad? It’ll be late when I get back.”

 

“Okay.” He tugged on one of the loose curls on my face. “Be safe. I love you.”

 

“I love you too Dad.” I smiled and he rolled his eyes before turning back to the TV. I huffed a laugh, rolling mine as well and heading out to the car.

 

Even though it was mid-day in the summer, the traffic was pretty light and it only took ten minutes to get to Kings. I could see cars there already, probably preparing for the show and I got out, locking my car and heading inside.

 

Kris was sitting on the stage and Adam was bent over the sound booth talking with the technician as he worked on the sound board. Both of them glanced up when I walked in and Kris hopped up, walking over to give me a hug.

 

“Hey,” He pressed a kiss to my cheek before stepping back. “How are you?”

 

“Fine. You two?” I asked, and Kris rolled his eyes at me.

 

 

“We’re fine.” He side eyed me. “Don’t even start with me.”

 

“He loves you.” I murmured, but Kris just shook his head.

 

“Not now, Emmalee.” He turned as Adam walked over to us.

 

“Hey,” Adam squeezed me in a hug. “I’m glad you could make it.”

 

“I wouldn’t miss it.” I grinned back at him. “I’m excited to see the show. It’s going to be incredible.”

 

Adam ruffled my hair with a laugh before heading back over to the sound booth, Kris in tow. I spent the next few hours watching as the lighting and sound technicians set up for the show. I could see fans already lining up from the tinted window. It was going to be a good night.


	8. Eight

King’s was packed. There were people standing everywhere and I was infinitely grateful that I had been given a VIP lanyard and could hang out at the front by the bar. Christian had texted to let me know that he was running a little late; some kind of mishap at the diner, but he would be here soon.  

  

The lights dimmed and I could hear the screams from the crowd. Kris stepped out on stage first, smiling and I couldn’t help but smile back from side stage. Adam walked up to stand next to me. 

  

“He looks great up there doesn’t he?” Adam murmured.  

  

I turned to him. “He really does. The stage really suites him.” 

  

Adam squeezed my arm. “I’m so proud of him.” 

  

“Me too,” I whispered back. “I’m going to go to the bathroom and grab a drink, you want one?” 

  

“Grab me a gin and coke on the way back?” He requested. 

  

“Yeah of course.” I grinned, patting his shoulder. “I’ll be right back.” 

  

Adam nodded and I weaved my way back to the bar from backstage. The entire bar was packed and the line to the front bathroom was several women long. I rolled my eyes, heading back to the side bathroom next to the side exit. 

  

It was quiet and deserted on the side hallway and I smiled turning the corner towards the bathrooms. Then a voice reached my ears and snatched the breath right out of my lungs. 

  

“Hey Emmalee. Nice to see you.” Nathan’s grin was predatory and I stopped short, trying step back around the corner, but I backed into someone else. I glanced back and my stomach sank. Eric  Bremley, Nathan’s best friend. 

  

I could feel my heart picking up as I started to panic. Nathan stepped closer to me, touching my cheek and I flinched away. 

  

“Don’t flinch Emmalee.” He teased. “You’re coming with us.” 

  

“I’m not fucking going anywhere with you.” I snapped, glancing to my left at the doorway back to the main room of the bar. 

  

“Oh no, Emmalee, you are.” Nathan snapped and I turned to respond, but stars crossed my eyes as pain exploded around my temple. My eyes crossed and everything went black. 

  

************()****************() 

The first thing I noticed was the pounding in my head. The second was Nathan’s Calvin Klein cologne. I could feel my stomach drop and I tried to force my eyes open. It was like they were glued shut. 

  

I took a moment, trying to calm my breathing before it got panicked and tried to sense what was around me. 

  

I could feel goosebumps on my arms and legs and I quickly realized I was naked. My wrists and ankles were restrained. I was pretty sure it was handcuffs because they were cutting into my skin. It was when I shifted my foot that I felt the dull pain in my thighs and abdomen. Tears burned in my eyes because I already knew what had happened. Nathan had violated me again. There was nothing I could do to stop him because I had been unconscious, but I knew what that feeling felt like. I could feel the rising panic, but I tried to ignore it. I had to focus on how to get out of here. I could hear water running in a different room and when it turned off I could hear talking in the background. One of the voices was definitely Nathan’s and the other one sounded close to Eric’s. 

  

I could hear the voices starting to come closer and I tried to pretend I was still asleep, but my ruse was ruined by the tears already streaking my face. 

  

“Hey Emmalee,” Nathan cupped my cheek and I flinched away, my eyelids finally cooperating with me. “Eric had so much fun with you. Sleeping girls are his thing." 

  

Nathan’s voice was calm like he was just talking about useless everyday things, not destroying me. 

  

“I told him I liked you better awake.” He grinned, patting my cheek and smiling at my flinch, before backing away. 

  

“So here’s how this is going to work,” Nathan said. “I’m going to bring your computer over here. You’re going to delete any evidence you have about what happened last year and then we’ll relive high school, you know, for old time’s sake. Then maybe, maybe I’ll let you go.” 

  

“My computer?” My voice was dry and scratchy, and my eyes tracked Nathan as he leaned over and pulled a very familiar purple case from his backpack. “How did you even-“ 

  

“Oh your kind sister let us inside.” He grinned. “You never told me how hot she was.” 

  

I could literally scream. Of course Ella let them inside. I closed my eyes, trying to force myself to calm down. A panic attack would not help right now. 

 

"Okay." I whispered. Nathan grinned at me and I felt my heart skip a beat.  

 

************)( 

It was dark and I couldn't remember when I had last seen the sunlight. Nathan and Eric had been gone who knows how long and they had pulled the blackout curtains tightly around the windows before they'd left. I could still see Kayla's body on the floor. I moved my head a little and stars exploded in my vision from where Nathan slammed my head into the headboard. 

 

My head was pounding and I closed my eyes against it. The next thing I knew there was someone knocking on the door and it just made the pounding in my head hurt worse. Then there was screaming and rapid Spanish I couldn't understand. I could feel myself slipping in and out of consciousness. 

 

Then there was noise and more people and I was perfectly content to keep my eyes closed but then someone was shining a flashlight in my eyes and talking in my ear and I groaned, blinking a few times before everything snapped into place. 

 

There was noise everywhere. I could hear sirens outside, people talking, the flashing of cameras. Someone was calling my name and I blinked a few more times. 

 

"Emmalee? Can you hear me?" 

 

"Are they gone?" My voice was scratchy and my throat was dry. 

 

"You're safe, honey." The lady promised. My eyes focused a little better and I recognized her EMT uniform. I could feel the panic starting to subside. “I’m going to check your head and neck, okay? Then we’ll cover you up and get you to the hospital.” 

 

“Okay.” The word was like a whisper and I just wanted to go back to sleep. 

 

“Can you try to stay awake for me Emmalee?” 

 

That request was ridiculous, I thought. They had to know I was exhausted. I just wanted to sleep. I didn’t even remember closing my eyes. 

 

The trip to the hospital went in flashes. I remembered lights and sirens, the EMT waking me up enough to put the password in my phone and ask me who they needed to call. _Christian._ Then I remembered the fluorescent lights of the hospital hallways. 

 

The last thing I remembered before I fell asleep was they pull the blanklet on me off and I had panicked. The last time I was naked terrible things had happened; they couldn’t take my blanket and then a needle prick and then nothing.


	9. Nine

Someone was playing music, I could hear the faint sounds of a guitar, and it was the only thing that stopped me from completely panicking. I knew that guitar sound. I knew the song, but I couldn’t remember it or the words at the moment.  

 

People were talking quietly, but I focused on the sound of the guitar. It was so close I felt I could touch it and it wasn’t until the sounds stopped and a calloused hand gripped mine that I realized I had moved. Forcing myself to open my eyes was another challenge, but after a couple of tries, I realized it had been Christian at my bedside. 

 

“God Emmalee,” He set his guitar in the case and stood up, gently squeezing me in a hug. “God don’t you ever do that to me again.” 

 

“I’m sorry.” I whispered, my lip quivering. I mentally cursed the tears that started to fall. 

 

“No, no, no,” Christian cupped my face, “Darling it isn’t your fault. I’m sorry. Don’t cry.” 

 

He brushed the tears away, pressing his forehead to mine for a moment, before pressing a kiss to my forehead. I took a deep breath trying to quell my tears.  

 

"Emmalee, hey," Kris was at the door and I smiled at him. Christian moved to sit back in his chair, but he didn't release my hand. Kris walked in and Adam wasn't far behind. 

 

"Hey honey," Adam sat on the opposite edge of my hospital bed, cupping my face and kissing my forehead much like Christian had a few moments beforehand. "You're going to be okay." 

 

I nodded. Adam smiled back at me, his eyes darting to mine and Christian's joined hands for a second. I rolled my eyes at him. 

 

"My parents?" I asked quietly. 

 

"They're a little tied up right now." Kris shifted a little, obviously uncomfortable with what he was saying. "They got Nathan and Eric on the security cameras with you and when they arrested them, they gave up Ella too." 

 

"What?"  

 

"Ella told them where you were, let them in the house, gave them your computer." Kris sighed. "They're charging her as an accessory Em. She's going to jail too." 

 

"Oh god." I leaned back against the hospital pillows closing my eyes. 

 

"They should be here soon." 

 

"No rush. Really." I mumbled just as there was another less gentle knock on the door. It swung open and I could feel and hear my heart rate shoot up. It was Nathan's father, Scott Moore and I could feel myself starting to panic. 

 

Adam stood, his hand tightly closing around my other hand. Christian stood as well and I could feel the tension radiating off of them. 

 

"I'm not here to question her." He assured them, but none of them sat down. "I just want to apologize." 

 

That took my breath away. Nathan's dad was dressed in casual clothes, his badge and gun on his hip, but I could see the how conflicted he looked. 

 

"I should have listened to you." He gave me a stern nod. "The case was given to the Arkansas State Police. My department won't have anything to do with it. Nathan, Eric, and Ella? They're going to jail." He sighed, looking at his feet for a moment. "I really am sorry." 

 

I watched as he left my room, closing the door carefully. It was like everyone started breathing again. I, frustratingly, burst into tears. Christian looked a little startled. 

 

"Scoot over," Adam squeezed into the bed next to me and I shifted a little to rest my head on his chest. "It's going to be okay, honey. It's going to be just fine." 

 

Adam started running his fingers through my hair and I tried to force myself to breathe regularly so none of my hospital sensors started beeping, but I couldn't stop crying. 

 

"Listen to my breathing, baby. Breathe with me." Adam insisted cupping my face, wiping my tears away with his thumbs. I did as he asked, following his slow breathing, as he continued to wipe my tears away. Everything in me said that I should be panicking, I should be screaming, I shouldn't let another man touch me after Nathan and Eric, but something about Adam's presence calmed me where nothing else had. 

 

After a few moments, my tears started to slow and Adam pressed a sweet kiss to my forehead. I could hear Christian and Kris talking softly. They were talking about guitars, I could hear the occasional word from the whispers. Adam glanced down at me, a smile on his face, and I tried not to smile back at him. Kris and Christian would get along just fine.  

 

Kris and Christian’s voices got quieter, then suddenly they stopped as the door to my room opened again. Adam stiffened under me, before moving off my bed, careful to stabilize me so he could slid my pillows back under me. 

 

"Your dad is here.” He murmured, squeezing my hand. “We’ll wait outside, okay?” 

 

"I'll be okay." I promised him. Adam stood and walked around the bed, touching Kris's arm as he walked by and the two of them left the room. Christian stood to leave too, but I grabbed his hand. "You have to go too?” 

 

"Darling you probably need to talk to your dad alone. I need to call the dinner. I'll be back, okay? I promise." He pressed to soft kiss to my cheek. "I love you." 

 

“Love you too,” I whispered back. He smiled at me then, and I decided I wanted to see him smile more. When he moved out of my line of sight, I could see my dad. He looked tired, but relieved to see me. As Christian left, he pulled the chair Christian had been in a little closer, sitting as close to me as possible. 

 

“You scared us so bad Emmalee.” He picked up my hands, frowning at the residual bruising from the restraints. “Kris called the house saying you’d disappeared at the show, but your car was still there and we couldn’t find you anywhere. The police tried to trace your phone, but it was off. No one had seen you leave or seen _Nathan_ anywhere near the show.” 

 

The way my dad said his name was like it was poison. 

 

“You told me the boy who hurt you was gone, Emmalee.” He reminded me. “We said no more lies. You told me he’d left a long time ago.” 

 

I frowned. “We only had a month or two left at home. I’d be separated from him by a couple hours. I thought it was going to be okay. I didn’t know he was going to come back for me.” 

 

“It’s okay.” My dad smiled a little crooked at me. “He’s going twenty-five to life for murder on top of kidnapping and a host of other charges.” 

 

“Murder?” I questioned before everything clicked into place. “Oh my god, Kayla?” 

 

My dad gave me a slow nod. “Um- the police said she was dead before they even came to get you.” 

 

I sighed quietly. There was some sadness for the girl that I’d grown up with, the one that was by my side every step of the way until senior year of high school. However all of that was tainted with the knowledge that she’d chosen Nathan. She’d heard my story and chose him anyway. 

 

"Okay," I whispered. My dad looked back at me with tears in his eyes, before standing up and hugging me as tightly as he dared. 

 

"Every step of the way," He promised. "I will be there every step of the way, Emmalee. Every therapist's appointment, every doctor's appointment, every day at trial in that court room if we have to. I will not leave you to deal with this alone again." 

 

"Dad," My voice cracked and I could feel tears stinging behind my eyes. "You never left me alone, okay? That was me. I thought I could handle it and I couldn't." 

 

"You never have to deal with this alone, okay? Never."  He promised. "I love you so much." 

 

"I love you too dad. I'm going to be okay. I promise." I kissed his cheek. "Where's mom?" 

 

He sighed then, returning to sit in the chair. "She's at the police station with Ella. Someone had to stay with her." 

 

"Why do she hate me?" I questioned, my voice small. 

 

"She doesn't hate you, honey." My dad promised. He sighed quietly. “Just let me finish before you interrupt, okay? She had already come to terms with the adoption. Everything was finalized. She had made her peace with that before you were born, but what that letter didn’t say, what the file didn’t include is why The Gregorys couldn’t keep you. It wasn’t that they didn’t want to, Emmalee. 

 

“They already had a child. He was eight, and about two weeks before you were born, he was diagnosed with cancer, a serious one. The kind that a lot of kids don’t live through. They were devastated, and they wanted him to get the best care possible. They moved to Memphis as soon as they were able.” 

 

I just stared at him. “Did he?” 

 

“He died when you were about eight months old.” My dad shook his head. “They were in no way ready for another child and Mrs. Gregory hated the thought of splitting you from us at an older age.” 

 

“But what does that have to do with Mom?” 

 

“She didn’t adjust to keeping you very well.” My dad admitted. “We hadn’t actually bought any of the things you needed so it was a financial stress on her and she had severe post-partum depression after she had you. None of these are excuses, for either of us, just something to give you a little perspective.” 

 

He shifted in his chair and then looked at me. “I should have done more, but I was just trying to manage your mother. That isn’t an excuse for my behavior, but I should have done more.” 

 

“Dad, I don’t blame you for this.” I promised him. “Thank you for trying.” 

 

“I’m going to do better, I promise.” He squeezed my hand. “The police are probably going to want your statement soon, okay? They were in the lobby when I came in to see you.” 

 

“Okay,” I took a deep breath. “You can send them in. I just need to get it over with.” 

 

****()*** 

Talking to the police was draining and when I finally finished, all I wanted to do was lie down and sleep for days. The nurse had come in after them, checked my vitals, gave me my medication and told me to get some sleep. 

 

I shifted around, careful of my IV before curling up so I could face away from the light and closed my eyes.  

 

They were only closed for a few minutes before I heard the door open again and mentally groaned. I was tired. I didn't want to talk to anyone, but it was a very familiar weight that curled behind me in the bed. Christian. 

 

He must have thought I was sleeping and he pressed a kiss to my neck, and I smiled, pondering on how at easy I felt with him until he wrapped his arms around my waist. 

 

It was like I couldn't breathe. I'd never been hit with a panic that severe. It took a moment to realize that I was screaming and fighting him. 

 

"Emmalee. Emmalee!"  

 

All I could feel were Nathan's filthy hands on me. He loved to fuck like that, spooned behind me. He said it was easier because he didn’t have to look at my face, especially towards the end when he just took what he wanted anyway. He didn’t have to look at my pain and tears. He’d done it again when he kidnapped me, complaining about how he missed doing it after he’d spanked me, because my ass was always so warm. I’d wanted to throw up.  

 

Usually Christian didn’t touch me like that. I’d always curl up into his side. I’d forgotten how fucking terrifying the flashbacks and panic attacks could be. 

 

“Emmalee.” 

 

This voice was different, distinctly female and I forced myself to focus and see a nurse leaning over me. 

 

“I need you to calm down, honey. You pulled your IV out and you’re bleeding okay?” 

 

I just burst into hysterical tears. I was a wreck, a mess, a shell of the beautiful happy girl I’d once been. How the fuck could Christian want to be with me? I was damaged. 

 

“He loves you.” 

 

I blinked in surprise, realizing that I must have spoken out loud. 

 

“Your young man? Christian? He loves you.” 

 

“He feels like he's supposed to.” I sighed but the nurse shook her head and then glanced at the door. I followed her eyes to see Christian talking to Kris, as he ran his hands through his hair (a nervous tic I'd noticed not too long after I met him.) 

 

"Honey," the nurse leaned over and squeezed my IV-free arm, “My husband looks at me like that. You need to keep him.” 

 

That made me smile. 

 

“Thank you.” I whispered.  

 

“No problem.” She smoothed my hair down. “I'm off now but I'll be back in the morning. Get some rest okay? The medicine may make you a little sleepy." 

 

"I will." I promised, already feeling the drowsiness.  

 

The nurse smiled at me, before heading out the door and sending Kris and Christian inside. 

 

"You okay?" Kris asked me quietly. I nodded, sleepily. The medication was really starting to kick in now. "Adam and I are going to head back to the hotel and take showers and get some sleep, okay?" 

 

"Okay," I leaned over as Kris kissed my check goodbye. I heard him gently close the door and I could feel myself starting to fall asleep, but I realized that Christian wasn't sitting in the chair. "Christian?" 

 

"Hey, Em. Can I sit?" 

 

He was scared, I realized, but I was too sleepy to explain it to him. I just reached out with grabby hands, and I heard Christian chuckle, before sitting in the chair next to my bed and holding my hand. It was the last thing I remembered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thank you for sticking with me this entire ride. I've been working on some version of Fix You since 2013 and I'm so happy to finally have gotten it to a place where I'm comfortable sharing it with all of you! We're definitely coming to the end of this fic, maybe two more chapters and then an epilogue. Once again, thank you so much for the support!


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